Dawson's Creek
Coming Home

Episode Report Card
Sars: C- | 2 USERS: A+
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Coming Home

Jen comes back from the snack bar to find Andie chatting up Fab and Danny. Andie introduces them, tells Jen they're French, and starts rambling on all Tourette's because it's her understanding that Fab and Danny barely speak English. Fab says he'd like a tour of Capeside. Andie invites Jen along, but Jen wisely takes a Pasadena. Andie keeps blithering. Sadly, the scene ends before the Brenda-Walsh-and-"Reek"-esque wacky hijinks have a chance to split my sides.

Doug "Neat? Check. Freak? Check" Witter sarcastically admires the "Florida snowman" snowglobe Pacey brought him, which consists of a top hat and a teeny carrot floating around. Hee -- I love those. Pacey flops down on the couch and asks, "How's my favorite couch been -- you been keepin' it warm for me?" Doug says that it's funny Pacey should mention that. Pacey groans that he hopes Doug isn't kicking him out. Then, to the surprise of exactly one viewer, Pacey intimates that Doug has moved a boyfriend into his apartment. Dear writers: It's not funny. It's never been funny. It plays on stupid stereotypes, it's becoming offensive, and if you did make Doug gay, you'd probably kick him off the police force and give him a job at Matt Queen Of Melrose's World Of Chaste Hugs And Hysteria-Tinged AIDS Storylines, so for the last time -- drop it. Signed, a viewer pinned under a large block of granite. Jesus. More non-amusing repartee about the gender of Doug's new roommate, it's "purely platonic," blah bling blah, enter Gretchen, a.k.a. "the new roommate," she fires off a "nice hair, loser" line at Pacey, and they hug.

Vow-Renewal Villa. An ovary broods about waiting for rainy days as Joey pauses on the lawn and looks at the porch. She lets herself in the front door and calls, but nobody's at home. The Leerys have redecorated over the summer, and Joey looks around, discomfited. Fade to Joey walking into Dawson's room, which he's repainted taupe and furnished with matted photos of Jen and Andie and Jack, as well as the dork-ass "Imagine" poster. New curtains, new bedspread, and nary a sign of Joey. Joey stands in the middle of the room, hands on her hips, and looks lonely.

Hey, Salon Selectives cactus-head girl? We already have a Parker Posey, but thanks for coming out today.

Over at the Hancock house, it's a totally different -- and earlier -- time of day from the one we just saw at the Leerys'. Dawson's hair looks like a cross between Gordon Gekko and Kenickie from Grease, slicked back at the top and sides and flopping down over his massive forehead with little frayed tufts sticking out at the back. Dawson tells Jack how he used to have a big crush on Gretchen Witter and how he used to leave her anonymous gifts, which he later realized had turned into "a Witter family joke." Not just in the Witter family, Casanotva. Jack does detail work and politely feigns interest, no doubt trying to determine how he'll know when the writers' strike has actually started (tm Shack). Dawson, trying to sound lighthearted but only achieving "still self-righteously bitter," remarks that, like the rest of his adolescent crushes, the Gretchen thing went nowhere.

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Dawson's Creek

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