Dawson's Creek
Cruel Intentions 2

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Vile Things
Cherie and her mom chat with Kathryn and Mama Merteuil. Hey, I thought they were invited to go to Cherie's house. Kathryn helps turn the conversation toward her mother's fund-raising efforts for the school. Papa Valmont appears through a doorway, barefoot and shirtless and still trying to free himself of the handcuffs. Kathryn sees him before he notices the gathering and dashes out of view. Kathryn excuses herself and goes after her stepfather while Cherie's mom expresses interest in making a donation to Manchester Prep. Papa Valmont's in the kitchen, trying to pick the handcuffs' lock with a steak knife (I. Don't. Know.), when Kathryn enters. Papa Valmont offers to explain the cuffs, but Kathryn says that it isn't necessary. Then she talks about how idyllic their family is, adding, "I know you'd never do anything to break up our happy home." She hands Papa Valmont a big key ring (which I guess includes a skeleton key for handcuffs) and then gives him detailed instructions on how he should spend the following evening romancing Mama Merteuil. The agenda includes requesting "Under My Thumb" from an accordion player at the restaurant. I try to imagine what that would sound like, and fail. Kathryn finishes cheerfully giving orders, and exits. Papa Valmont looks after her in a lustful way, because this movie isn't slimy enough. The next morning, Subassdunne looks down from the balcony as an old lady with a walker passes beneath him. He tells her it's a lovely morning, and she shouts back, "Bite me, rich boy." Because New Yorkers are rude, you see. Elsewhere, Danielle is leaving her house. Her dad gives her a hug and talks to her, and I guess her family is supposed to be a sharp contrast with Subassdunne's family because they're close and affectionate and so on. They're also amazingly unobservant, however, since Danielle heads across the lawn, and only upon reaching the street does she notice the limo parked at the curb directly in front of her house. The chauffeur explains that Subassdunne thought she'd prefer the limo to taking the train. Hadn't he decided against trying to dazzle her with his wealth? And where is she going? Is she going to work? She can't be going to school, because then her dad would be going as well, right? And if she's going to meet Subassdunne, why didn't he ride out to meet her instead of just sending the car? Kathryn and Cherie head out for Cherie's first try at horseback riding. Cut to Cherie being thrown off the horse. And then there's the scene that inspired protests before the show even aired. Cherie gets back on the horse, and Kathryn instructs her in the fine art of posting. ("Is that what the kids are calling it these days?") The horse remains motionless while Kathryn orders Cherie to raise and lower herself onto the saddle, and then to slide back and forth in the saddle. I trust you to figure out where this is going. To quote Kathryn: "Up and down, back and forth, fas-ter, fas-ter, up and down, back and forth, fas-ter, fas-ter..." She also keeps time by slapping a riding crop into her palm. Cherie starts enjoying herself as she's told to "grind into the saddle." This goes on for an entire minute, which doesn't seem like a long time unless you're watching it. It's kind of like the way time slows down when you're about to crash your car into a brick wall. Only, of course, this is more horrifying. Cherie finally squeals and falls off the horse. Kathryn asks if she's okay, and Cherie says, "Now I know why girls like horses."

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Dawson's Creek




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