Dawson's Creek
Cruel Intentions 2

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Vile Things
Danielle's at home when her phone rings. She picks it up and hears Subassdunne say, "I told you not to underestimate me." Which seems like it would be a scary thing to hear when you first answer the phone, but she just says, "You're unbelievable." He did tell her that earlier, by the way. I didn't mention it because it was boring. It's still boring now, but I feel obliged to at least mention that this scene happened. And that's all that happens in it. I'm not sure what he did that's so unbelievable. Call her? Would her phone number be that hard to get? Kathryn returns home and finds Subassdunne still on the phone. She lingers in the hall to eavesdrop as he says, "The television series M*A*S*H was way better than the movie!" Yeah, because Alan Alda is so much cooler than Donald Sutherland. I won't list the five hundred other reasons he's wrong, but that sums it up pretty well. Danielle says they've been talking for an hour (about M*A*S*H?) and prepares to end their chat. Subassdunne demands that she show him around town on Saturday, because he needs to be rescued from his "psycho step-sister." Danielle whines, "Don't you think we should take this slower?" Slower than going from a phone call to an afternoon date? That seems like a reasonable progression to me. Y'know, based on what I recall. Dimly. From a previous life. Subassdunne immediately insists that he wasn't asking her for a date, he just "wanted to make a new friend." Then, before she can interrupt, he says that she's conceited and hangs up. He opens the door and greets Kathryn, and it's not clear if he knew she was there, but it probably doesn't matter. Kathryn makes fun of him for getting shot down, and Subassdunne talks about how it must bother Kathryn that even though she's rich and popular, Danielle still doesn't like her. Yeah, I can see why that would bug Kathryn, because we've seen how hard she tries to be liked. Subassdunne grabs Kathryn's hand and pulls her out of the room, saying, "I have some work to do, and you have to go throw up. After all, that was a very big salad you had for dinner." As he slams the door, Kathryn cries, "Have you been spying on me?" Bulimia jokes. How very, oh, 1989. Subassdunne wakes up this morning and turns over in bed, knocking the breakfast tray over. The Cambodian maid immediately screams, Subassdunne screams back, and I sigh heavily. The maid grovels and cries because she doesn't want to get fired. Subassdunne reassures her and heads for the bathroom. As the maid continues to sob in the background, Subassdunne mutters, "It's like a fucking Godzilla movie." I don't even know what that means, but it seems like if I understood it, it'd probably be offensive. Plus, Godzilla movies are much funnier than this. A moment later, Kathryn enters the bathroom with a matching pair of bimbos. She asks if they know the routine, and they do: "Seduce and destroy." Kathryn exits.

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Dawson's Creek




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