Dawson's Creek

Episode Report Card
Sars: C | 2 USERS: A+

Barely registering her departure, Dawson obsesses in Jen's general direction as Cliff leads her out onto the floor, and then he gets up and mutters, "It's time for a rewrite." Oh, brother. Dawson walks over to Cliff and Jen and cuts in. Jen asks him what he's doing, but she seems vaguely amused; Dawson then says he doesn't want to cut in, but rather he wants to "take over," and he thanks Cliff for "showing Jen such a great time," but he's got it from here. An incredulous Cliff wants to know what Dawson is talking about, and Dawson says very condescendingly to Cliff that he knows "it's confusing right now," but he's talking about himself and Jen, and that he and Jen have something going on, and Cliff and Jen greet this revelation by gaping like fish out of water as Dawson continues to rave on about his non-relationship with Jen, which Dawson winds up by asking Cliff "to manly [sic] step aside so that I might have a moment with the object of my desire." See, just when Dawson comes off a little bit sympathetically, the writers give him dialogue like this, and then I hate him again. Cliff asks a mortified Jen, "Who is this guy?" and Jen demands, "Dawson, what are you doing?" and Cliff tells Dawson, "You're gonna have to leave. Now. Okay? This is, this is too weird." Word. Dawson in turn tells Cliff that he needs to go. Cliff wants to know if Jen wants to "be with this guy," and then Cliff and Dawson go toe-to-toe, and right before punches get thrown, Jen announces that she'll make it easy for both of them by leaving herself. Dawson stares after her as Sars fervently wishes that Mitch remembers the "know when to shut up" element of the father-son speech next time.

I love that ad with the dog making the sandwich and then chucking it into the cat's dinner bowl when he finds the empty Miracle Whip jar. I've not consumed so much as a molecule of Miracle Whip in my life, but I'd consider it, just on the strength of that commercial.

Out on the street, Pacey, Dawson, and Joey walk home. Dawson characterizes the night as "the most horrific" of his life, and he punctuates this by running his hands through his hair. He asks Joey how she could "let" him "do that," and Joey grumbles that she knew it would wind up her fault, and then Dawson tries to blame the evening's failures on Pacey, "my non-existent friend," and Pacey hollers, "I don't see you taking any interest in my life, you self-righteous navel-gazing fuckwit, so why not try taking responsibility for your own off-putting personality, Breakfast Food Boy!" Oops, excuse me -- I yelled that, not Pacey; Pacey absently mutters, "I'm sorry, man -- I was otherwise engaged." Joey points out that she did, after all, come back and didn't desert him, but Dawson totally ignores this and asks Pacey about "this mystery woman you keep alluding to," and Pacey sighs and says, "Unfortunately, the mystery woman remains a mystery, even to me." Dawson theorizes that, "at this moment, Jen's lips are probably pressing against Cliff's," and Joey joins the rest of North America in beseeching Dawson, "Don't go there," and Pacey says, "This is my stop, kids. Mañana," and shakes Dawson's hand.

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Dawson's Creek




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