Cue Very Special Credits, complete with Stormy Sky Background and Melancholy Non-Paula-Cole Music Of Crying And Learning. Whatever, Very Special Credits.
Did you know that this episode of Dawson's Creek is sponsored by Verizon Wireless? That's important, so make a note. Also, Verizon provided a fairly amusing commercial in this post-credits ad space, which I will briefly recap for you (as requested by some people on the forums). You know those Verizon commercials where the dude is walking through, like, the tundra or some shit, and he's all, "Can you hear me now?" and the point is that Verizon has really good reception? It's that guy, on the dock. Dawson's dock. "Can you hear me now?" he asks. Next, he's doing the CYHMN? thing, standing in the rowboat in the creek. Yeah, that row boat. That creek. That's actually a pretty clever marketing idea, and I wonder if Verizon is doing it for other shows. Like, calling from The Bronze for Buffy, or Trauma Two for ER.
Back to Stupid, Stupid Joey and Her "Charming" Mugger. "What, you thought I was going to let you walk off after the handgun made an appearance?" he asks, pulling her into a storefront and telling her to hand over her cash. She AGAIN says she doesn't have any. Joey. Give. Him. The money. It's not like Mr. Mugger believes that you're empty-handed, since he saw you come out of the ATM. "Rich little college girl like you?" he sneers. "Where do you go? Harvard? Wellesley?" "Worthington," Joey chokes out. "See? That's very nice," Mr. Mugger says. "Doesn't make me any less broke at the moment," Joey stutters. "Are you getting scared? You don't have to be scared," Mr. Mugger says. "Easy for you to say, you're holding the gun," Joey sniffs. Mr. Mugger concedes the point, and confides that he doesn't really intend to shoot her. "This from the guy who, twenty seconds ago, told me he had no intention of mugging me?" Joey sasses. What is this? Mugging banter? "Just trying to put you at ease," Mr. Mugger says. "Maybe you should have thought twice about, you know, mugging me," Joey says. It is mugging banter. Just when I think this show couldn't appall me any more. "What's done is done," Mr. Mugger shrugs. "Water under the bridge and whatnot. I think we're going to have to get past it, if we're going to have a successful mugger-muggee relationship here." "Whatnot"? I think I'll take that as a shout-out, as I use "whatnot" all the time. It's an excellent catch-all word, people. Try it! Joey glares at him. "Is there any chance that gun might accidentally go off in your pants? Because that would be really great," she says. He throws her against the wall. "You, young lady, are a wise-ass," he spits. "I just might have to shoot you yet. Now, let's go. Give me what you've got. Come on." At long last, Joey hands him her well-guarded twenty. "Twenty bucks, you scored," she informs him bitterly. Mr. Mugger can't believe it. "This is barely bus fare," he complains. This man is the worst mugger ever. Joey's lucky; if he were a professional, she'd be dead by this point. "Guess I left my wads of hundreds in the other jeans," she snaps. And then Mr. Mugger takes her cell phone. Because this episode is sponsored by Verizon: the cell phone of choice for sticky-fingered deadbeats everywhere. "This is a nice one," Mr. Mugger coos. "This is, like, really light. Looks cool." Because Verizon? Is the bomb! Nice and light and cool, and perfect for your mugging needs! While he's admiring his newest acquisition, Joey kicks him in the face. Oh, holy crap. Are you kidding me? Where was the face kick fifteen minutes ago? Mr. Mugger drops the phone, and Joey stops to pick it up -- Verizon! Don't leave it behind, even if you're in the middle of a violent attack! -- and then, finally, she runs.