ATM. "All right, work your magic," Mr. Mugger orders. Joey's checking account contains but twenty-seven dollars. "I got kicked in the gut for forty-seven bucks?" Mr. Mugger asks. "Well, don't forget the cell phone," Joey says. Verizon: It's Worth Getting Kicked In The Gut. Mr. Mugger decides to empty Joey's savings account as well. That account contains $507. "Disco!" Mr. Mugger crows. Joey's face falls. "Don't worry, sweetie, I'm sure Daddy will cut you a check first thing Monday," Mr. Mugger tells her. He doesn't understand! That Joey's dad! Is in the big house! But he will soon enough. Oh, he will. "You really want to punch me in the face, don't you?" he asks. I don't know about that, but I'd like to punch them both in the face, personally. "I mean, I understand. I really do. I just have bills to pay. I'm sorry if that's slightly more important than you buying yourself a pair of Manolo Blahniks," he says. Wow, what a cultured mugger he is! How many common criminals know about Manolo? That shows how little I know about the mugging community! Apparently, they spend a lot of off-time reading Vogue and window-shopping at Saks. Joey sneers and suggests that Mr. Mugger get himself a J.O.B. Funny, coming from Ms. I Won't Take Out So Much As A Student Loan. Mr. Mugger insists that he has a job. "You could say I'm in sales." Blah blah blah setting up a parallel to Joey's bad dad-cakes, he's a drug dealer. And some of his clients go to Worthington! "You should stop by some time. We could catch up," Joey remarks snidely, then starts to go. "You know, call me crazy, but I like you, Joey!" Mr. Mugger calls after her, and she TURNS AROUND TO LISTEN TO HIM COMPLIMENT HER. Seriously, my mouth has never hung open this far. The mugger likes Joey (presumably, because she has It), and she'd like to hear more! I hope he shoots her. "Except for that little kung fu kick out there, you've made this experience a very pleasant one. Lot of people, they would have pissed their pants by now. But you? You've held it together. You've kept your sense of humor. You know what? I won't hold that violent little outburst of yours against you," Mr. Mugger speechifies. Because even muggers fall in love with Little Joey Potter. Because she's poised. And smart. And pretty. And not incontinent. She's pleasant, even while being violated. Because you know what? Girls should never be unpleasant. Girls should never scream, or practice self-defense or even any kind of self-awareness, or make muggers and potential rapists feel bad about themselves. No! No! We should all be like Joey Potter and be polite -- yet charmingly sassy! -- to anyone who wants to wrong us. We should also make the crazy gun-toting criminals really work for their cash. They won't kill us, because they'll LIKE US. I sure am real glad I learned that tonight, because that's the opposite of everything that I've ever been taught by self-defense professionals and the police. Kiss my ass, Dawson's Creek. I can stomach the non-gay gay characters, and the spinectomys and the wussifaction of Jen and all the subtle sexism, even, but this is beyond the pale. Dawson's Creek owes every single person who watched this episode a copy of The Gift of Fear. And an hour of their lives. And a written apology. And some candy.
Episode Report Card1035 USERS: C
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