I'm sitting down to write my recap when the phone rings.
Caller: Hi, this is Kevin Williamson. I'm just calling everyone who still watches Dawson's Creek to let them know that I am no longer -- I repeat, no longer -- creatively involved with the show. I've gotten a few angry phone calls over the past couple of weeks and then today there was a flaming paper bag full of poo on my doorstep, so I thought maybe I just needed to get the word out.
Kevin Williamson: Do you think you could put something in the recap? I'm still trying to contact everyone personally, but my dialing finger is starting to throb.
Me: Okay, I guess.
Kevin Williamson: Seriously, thank you. Listen, could you tell me something? Who's Joey dating now? Wednesday nights I have my pottery class.
Me: Oliver Hudson.
Kevin Williamson: Who the hell is that?
Me: This guy at the bar where she -- wait, how do you not know this?
Kevin Williamson: I told you: pottery.
Me: You could read the recaps, you know.
Kevin Williamson: Whoops, there's my other line.
Last week, on Dawson's Creek: Agent Mulder pursued a young man with an enormous head who believed that his workplace -- a movie set -- was haunted by the ghost of a murdered actress. Agent Scully investigated the case of one Jen Lindley, who can't seem to find a nice young man to love. Also, Pacey and Audrey broke up, and Audrey smacked Pacey hard across the face.
Liberty Hell's Kitchen, where Oliver reads at the bar, holding a ballpoint pen. I'd make fun of him for taking notes on a book when he's not actually a student, but it felt foreign to me to read anything without a pen in hand for quite some time after I myself left school, so I won't. Joey swings past, pulling on her backpack and offhandedly mentioning that she has things to do on campus. Oliver smiles at her and says that he's well aware that she's going to Flip-Flops's class. Joey shrugs and admits that she didn't want him to feel weird. She tells him that class isn't nearly as fun without him, as there's no one to contest her opinions with "snarky feedback." Shout-out? I'll take it. "Did I hear the phrase 'snarky feedback'?" asks a tall, dark-haired man, popping out from inside a box underneath my bed. It's the winner of Big Brother II, charming, evil Dr. Will. Joey's It has driven him from his hiding place. "I'm up for some snarky feedback," Will says. "Can I call Mike Boogie and have him come over and rap about Joey's orange skin? Man, it feels good to be out in the open air again!"
On screen, Joey asks Oliver if he's going home for the holidays. Oliver looks around the bar and wonders what could be homier than Liberty Hell's Kitchen. Joey asks him, seriously, where he's from. "Does it make a difference?" he asks, and turns the question on her. "Capeside," Joey chirps, which prompts Oliver to snark that he's not surprised. "Have you ever even been to Capeside," Joey asks. "They don't allow my kind that far east," Oliver tells her. "This is boring," Will says. "I'm much happier in that box under your bed. Remember to feed me this week, please." He leaves. "Thank goodness we have mutual ground to spar on," Joey tells Oliver flirtatiously, shrugging on her lovely orange coat. I mean her actual outerwear, not her phony orange Fake 'N' Bake complexion. Which reminds me: I was watching Wonder Boys last night, and Katie Holmes is just lovely in it. Does anyone on the Dawson's Creek set really think that this orange skin/orange hair look is more attractive than what appears to be her actual coloring? Because they need to have their eyes checked out. The phone rings again.