Episode Report CardSars: D+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Then there's a shearing sound and the lights blink on and off. Clanking. Rattling. The plane pitches and rolls. Hitchcock's pretzel knobs fall into the aisle. Everyone's screaming and clutching at each other. The oxygen masks drop down. More screaming. Instrument panels falling off. Sparks. Fuselage coming off; students getting sucked out of the plane. The pretzel knobs getting sucked out of the plane. Deceleration towards the ground. A fireball cooks Alex. Then Alex awakens to find the betties asking him again if they can trade seats with him so they can sit next to each other. Oooh, very sneaky. If I hadn't seen the previews and known that Alex lived, anyway. Which I had. And did. Alex, gasping for air (a piece of the scenery must have gotten caught in his throat), scrambles over them and into his seat next to Rothbale, and he pulls on the tray table doodad and it comes off. He stands there, staring at it and huffing, and Kerr asks what's his problem, and the French teacher gets in on the act, as well as a dork-ass male flight attendant who looks like Agent Smith from The Matrix but with longer hair, and Alex wigs and shrieks that "the fucking plane's gonna explode," and Kerr tells him to shut up, and so does Candies, and Rothbale tells him to chill, and Alex is yelling that it's not a joke and blah bling blah so Kerr gets up and punches him in the face, and someone else squalls, "Everybody in the aisles, off the plane!" In a nutshell, Alex, Kerr, Candies, Hitchcock (arriving late again), and Sassy Teacher all get booted off the plane, along with the French teacher and Rothbale, whom Brendan sends after them to make sure Alex is okay. Brown Ali stares after Alex, then grabs her stuff and follows them too. The brawl spills out of the jetway. The captain yells that none of them can get back on the plane. Sassy begs him to reconsider; she has forty students on the plane and both chaperones out in the waiting area. The captain relents, but only one of the teachers can get back on. Sassy talks the French teacher into going ahead of her, since he, uh, knows French. Hitchcock begs to be let on: "But I didn't fight with anyone!" No dice. Kerr, wearing a tight white t-shirt, watches the plane back away from the gate and broods. Candies nestles against him. Fuck off, Candies. Sassy asks Alex what happened. Alex says he saw everything, it felt real, blah. Kerr yells at him. Rothbale and Sassy wax skeptical. Kerr mocks Alex. Alex lunges at Kerr. They tussle. The cops come over. Hitchcock watches the plane and mumbles, "There they go, here we stay." Thanks, Hitchcock, but I think we get it. A wide-angle shot of Alex and Kerr on the floor, the cops holding them down, and then a giant fireball blossoms on the left-hand side of the screen. The windows shatter. Sirens immediately start up (yeah, right). Kerr glares at Alex. Alex…is sweaty and has blubbery, unattractive lips. Sassy starts to cry. Candies pants because her capris don't fit correctly and she can't breathe. Brown Ali shows her top teeth to indicate "horrified."