Dawson's Creek
Final Destination

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Final Destination
Alex sees a fire burning by the side of the road. He runs away. Sassy's house. Burning. John Denver. Wheezing. Exploding vodka. Grunting. Clutching throat. More wheezing. Alex pulls up outside Sassy's house and sees it burning. Sassy, collapsed on the floor, pulls a towel down from the counter to stanch her bleeding throat. The knife on top of the towel falls point-first into her chest. Alex finds her there, wheezing and shuddering. Things crash down all around them. A chair nails the knife into Sassy's chest up to the hilt. Alex yanks the knife out of her chest, then drops it on the ground and books on out of there. Nice one, Not Lips Houlihan. Hitchcock, riding by on his bike, sees Alex run out of the house, and then the whole house blows up. The FBI guys hassle Brown Ali. She plays it cool by not showing her teeth. Kerr hits Hitchcock on his bike again. Kerr tries to carve Candies's name on the memorial. Brown Ali asks what he's doing. Kerr asks why she's there. The FBI's watching her to see if she goes to Alex. Kerr has to take her to Alex. Uh…then why would Kerr take her to Alex, if the FBI wants to know where Alex is? The fuck? Anyway, Kerr doesn't want to see Alex, but Brown Ali says Alex knows "which one of us is next." Kerr's car. Lots of boring back-and-forth while Brown Ali expositions the other two up to date on death's design. Kerr makes a dumb joke about having a vision that he's going to kick Hitchcock's ass. Kerr and Hitchcock drop Brown Ali off to find Alex. Alex is in a clearing. He's brooding and talking about the stars and if "they're still up there." Brown Ali talks about how her father got killed in a hold-up, and what if he hadn't needed to buy cigarettes, and her mom married "this asshole," poor little Brown Match Ali -- short form, she doesn't think it's part of a design. "Alex. You can't give up." The car. Brown Ali's taking Alex to her dad's cabin in the woods. Kerr gets all accusing about Sassy. Alex bitches about getting blamed. Hitchcock blah. Kerr wants to know who's next. Alex admits that he knew about Sassy in advance. He does not add that Revlon, Inc. probably had her assassinated for misuse of blush. Hitchcock wants to know if he'll live to see the Jets win a Superbowl. Heh. Probably not, Hitchcock -- not even if you lived to see your grandchildren would you see that again. Anyway, Kerr thinks it's him, so he starts wailing about destiny and controlling his will, and he stomps on the gas so that they can all crash and die and get it over with. The others scream at him for what seems like a week and a half while he weaves through traffic and runs stop signs and blah bling blah "slow down, Kerr" and "knock it off" and "it doesn't work that way, Kerr" and Alex has a vision of no seatbelt. Kerr does the really bad screamy crying we all love so much on Dawson's. Alex has a vision of a train. They almost hit an oil tanker. Kerr drives with no hands. Hitchcock thinks he might speeyack. "Dammit, Kerr, I want you to stop this car right now!" He stops the car, all right -- on the train tracks. How very "Teen Angel." More screaming and "get out of the car"-ing. The other three scramble out, but Kerr won't move. The train is coming. The train is blowing its whistle. I am in the kitchen again, getting ginger snaps. Another week passes by in which people scream and squall and yell at Kerr to get out of the car. Finally, Kerr agrees to get out of the car. But he can't. Door? Locked. Seatbelt? Jammed. Me? At the deli, buying more ginger snaps. Alex runs over to try to pull Kerr out of the car through the window. We get a couple of close-ups of Alex's hands pumping up and down on Kerr's crotch, "trying to get the seatbelt undone." Step aside, Alex; this is a job for a professional. Heh. Did I say that out loud?

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Dawson's Creek

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