Big ups to Wing Chun, who consoled me on the Not! Line, and to everyone on the forums for their continued patience.
Previously on the steaming, malodorous lump of crap masquerading as a television program: Dawson waxed obvious about Mr. Brooks's suspension "between dying and dead," then bid Mr. Brooks farewell by saying "see ya"; Gretchen called the senior ski trip "a rite of passage"; Jen broke into the mini-bar, then got busted doing some "recycling" by Mr. Kasdan; Joey gave it up.
Fade up on the ski lodge, early morning. We pan over the bus to see the Capeside seniors straggling towards it, then down to Jack "Now You See Him, Now You Don't" McPhee and Jen "Ladies And Gentlemen -- Mrs. Elton John!" Lindley. Jen leans on Jack as she limps along the path, and Jack asks if they're "okay" with what happened the night before. Jen says yes, "completely," and then wonders aloud what would have happened if she hadn't put a stop to their "ill-conceived fumblings," if she'd gotten pregnant and had to ditch the rest of senior year to give birth to and raise their "illegitimate love-child." Oh, for the love of Mike -- a The Next Best Thing reference? Did the writers get locked in a bathroom with seven-month-old copies of airline magazines or something? Jack gets off a decent line about telling "said love-child" that Mommy and Daddy can't have sex "unless Daddy's thinking about Ryan Phillippe." Jen says that she'd "be thinking about him too." So it's all fine between them, and they head for the door of the bus, only to see Mr. Kasdan glowering at them. Jen pulls a hank of hair over her face, but it's too late; Mr. Kasdan wants to know, "Are there any other delinquent acts you care to commit before we embark on our journey home?" Jen faces him and asks point-blank, "So -- what's it gonna be? My punishment?" Mr. K says that he doesn't have punishment in mind, exactly, but something more like chicken soup for her teenage soul. Shut up, Mr. K. Jen starts to protest that "they were only, like, airplane bottles," but Jack yanks her onto the bus before she can dig herself any deeper. Heh. Enter "One" Drue "Thing" Valentine, looking hungover. Mr. K bitches him out for his "tardy arrival," adding that Drue's put them behind schedule: "Just exactly what part of 'we leave at six-thirty a.m. sharp' were you not listening to?" Six-thirty? Where did they go on this ski trip, anyway -- Vail? Why the hell do they have to get up at six-thirty? Drue asks if they can stop at a Starbucks. Mr. K: "Get on the bus, punk!" Drue slumps towards the bus as Mr. K wonders aloud where Joey and Pacey have gotten to: "Probably off somewhere sucking face." "Tell me about it," Drue grumbles. Heh. Mr. K starts to stomp off towards the lodge, but Drue looks up at the windows of the bus and spots the back of a head that looks like Pacey's, macking with a girl; said head belongs to a body in a brown coat. It's hard to tell if Drue knows it's not actually Pacey at this point. Drue points the couple out to Mr. K, and Mr. K looks over to see the side of a girl's face that looks like Joey's. Mr. K rolls his eyes and shoves past Drue and up the steps. Drue smirks; the couple breaks the smooch to reveal -- what else? -- that it isn't Joey and/or Pacey after all. "Disgusting, isn't it," Drue smarms to himself, then makes a "hooo" face and boards the bus without correcting Mr. K as to the identity of the macking couple.