Meanwhile, back at Casa Grams, Billy Budd sweeps some wax grapes out of the way, picks Jen up, and plunks her down on the table. He kisses her. Jen hitches backwards on the table, and Billy Budd tries to lie down on top of her but Jen has her legs pinned firmly together and twisted to one side in the "access denied" position. She hitches backwards some more. A mug clatters to the floor, followed by more wax grapes, and Jen alternates little grunts of protest with little squeals of arousal. At last, as a bowl plunges to its death, Jen says, "All right -- I think that we've taken it far enough," and Billy Budd mumbles through a feedback-distorted kiss, "What do you mean?" Jen simpers, "Well I mean don't you think?" Billy Budd answers, "The blood's not in my head." Three letters: I. C. K.
He pounces on her again, and she tries to fend him off gently and says, "You know, I think it's kind of getting late," and Billy Budd leers, "What happened, we were just gettin' to the good stuff -- you're not serious," and I can't help thinking of Homer Simpson saying, "Mmmmm -- pooork chooops," and the last of the wax grapes and a little bread basket sail over the edge as Billy Budd lays Jen out flat on the table, and Jen tries to push him off in earnest, and when that fails she whimpers, "Look, I'm sixteen, okay? How's that gonna look on your law school application?" and I have to admit, that was a pretty funny line, and Billy Budd says, "You're what?" like, Billy Budd, wake up and smell the Love's Baby Soft, okay? Then the voice of Grams says, "Sixteen years old," and as Billy Budd looks up and gasps, "Oh my god," Grams retorts, "Not even God'll be able to save you if you don't get your hands off my granddaughter right this instant," and how much do I love Grams? Billy Budd shrinks away and says, "Okay," all placatingly as Jen lies on the table and puts her hand to her forehead, sort of like a damsel in distress, but also sort of like someone fending off an impending blow to the head with a King James Bible.
Unfortunately, we don't get to see The Righteous Wrath Of Grams quite yet, because we cut to McPhee Manor and Pacey admiring some mantel tchotchkes. As the door opens, Pacey picks up a Photograph Of Crude Foreshadowing that pictures the McPhees en famille, and then Andie bounds in and wants to know what Pacey is doing there, and Pacey apologizes for the mix-up but says that Mrs. McPhee is "being real cool about it," and Andie says, "Okay, good. Let's just go," and grabs Pacey's hand and starts to drag him out, but Pacey says he "kind of" told Andie's mom that they would stay for dinner, and Andie says that they can just sneak out and "they'll never miss" the two of them, and Pacey thinks they should just let her mom know, and "she said she'd be right down." Andie tweaks out: "Look. You have no right to be here, okay? You were not invited, my family is none of your business, and what did my mother -- what did you say to her?" Pacey doesn't get it and tells her to slow down and asks her, "What's the problem here?" Andie demands to know what her mother said to Pacey. Pacey, losing patience: "Okay, she just invited me into this Norman Rockwell painting better known as your home and politely invited me to dinner. Seems that unlike her spoiled rich society girl of a daughter, I'm actually worthy in her eyes of meeting the country-club father and the Ivy League brother," and didn't Pacey already go off on this rant once before, only to have Jacky The Pinhead correct his mistaken impression? Anyway, Andie suddenly changes her tune and says, "Okay, let's just go then," but Pacey refuses to leave because it would be "rude," and if I have this right, Pacey can forget where to meet Andie for their date, and Pacey can bust on Andie for her family's relative wealth even though Jack already told him they don't have that much money anyway, but Andie she wants to leave her own house, this makes Andie rude. Memo to writers: look up the word "rude." Anyway, Andie, nearly in tears, begs him, "Please, Pacey, please," but Pacey of course puts his foot dead in it and points a big old "J'accuse" finger at Andie: "What, are you so ashamed of me that you don't even want me to meet your own brother?" and Andie says, "No, just -- just not now," and heads for the door, and Pacey grabs her arm as the light of comprehension begins to dawn and says, "Andie -- Andie, what? What's the problem?" and Andie blurts out, "Tim died, he's dead, okay?" and Pacey closes his eyes as he has yet another I Guess I Misjudged Her Moment Of Revelation, and Andie looks utterly miserable.
Icehouse. Lobsters on brink of death. Jack tries to fix tank. Jack makes tank worse. Like, ha ha, not. Customer suggests solution; solution works. Joey and Jack get weirded out. Joey cites full moon. Joey wants troubleshooting, coffee-drinking customer to leave so she can close restaurant. Jack doesn't think customer came for coffee; Jack thinks customer had nowhere else to go, or has no family, or had a family "but they're gone now." (Customer actually came to look at boy with preposterously tiny head, but customer's line to this effect got cut.) Joey: "Maybe he lost his wife or something." Jack, stammering: "Or -- child." Does customer answer to name "McPhee"? Joey and Jack exchange look; when they look back, customer has vanished. Weirdness again cited. Lack of tip complained about by Joey, but Jack finds tip and written-on napkin under empty coffee mug. Joey, hugging Jack: "A hundred bucks? Oh my god, Jack, we're rich!" Joey starts to clean up, but Jack calls her attention to napkin, which Joey reads aloud: "By moonlight many years ago, my true love did I know / And by that moon I begged her wait, but that night did she go / So, young lovers, heed my words -- don't squander love away / The moon is changing ever still, soon comes the light of day." As Joey reads poem -- entitled, as goodmike suggested, "Crape Diem" -- Jack watches tenderly. After poem ends, Joey and Jack exchange another look. Against blue screen, Jack snaps off light, leaving them backlit by Full Moon Of Completely Unsubtle Portent. Outline of Jack grabs outline of Joey; silhouette of teeny weeny head kisses silhouette of regular head. We. GET. IT. Light comes back on, Joey stares at Jack; Joey moves away and begins cleaning up. Jack looks down. It would appear that Jack likes girls, so we have reopened the betting window on which character will end up gay.