Dawson's Creek
Future Tense

Episode Report Card
Sars: C | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Future Tense

Previously on Dawson's Creek: Dawson "saved" Pacey and Jen; The Flash encouraged Dawson's delusions of persecution while the two of them creepily watched Pacey and Joey kiss; Gretchen nagged Dawson about his broken friendship with Pacey; Jen reacted with distaste when Drue informed her that he now lives in Capeside, and -- hold onto those socks! -- Drue made an unfunny comment; Pacey picked a fight with Joey about becoming "some townie."

Fade up in the Sanctum Josephinorum. Joey "Braless Mahoney" Potter, seated at her desk and wearing a Maybelline-commercial-y sleeveless button-down, does homework; Pacey "Buzz Bin" Witter complains that he's "bored." "Good," Joey chirps, not looking up. Pacey complains that he thought he'd get more concern out of her, "in light of the recent tragedy [he's] suffered." Look, nobody likes talking to Dawson, but let's not overdram -- ohhhh, he means the sinking of the "True Love." My mistake. Anyway, Joey tells him that he could use a little boredom for exactly that reason. No, I don't know what that means either. Pacey whines about having to advance The Anvil Of Literary Parallelism, i.e. "read George Orwell's 1984," since the future in the book is already the past. Joey eye-rolls that everyone's future eventually becomes the past. Pacey continues to crab that 1984 already happened, "big whoop," yadda yadda. Joey points out all meta-whatever that Pacey wouldn't know, since he spent 1984 "in diapers," and Pacey says he learned it from "VH1's Behind The Music, thank you very much," and perhaps the writers might want to avoid reminding the viewing audience of all the superior programming they could have chosen to watch instead of this hour of dreck, but hey, what do I know. Joey smiles indulgently as Pacey continues to ramble that people spend their whole lives worrying about what the future will bring, and when the future arrives, they find out they needn't have bothered, and as The Skillet Of This Episode's Theme makes resounding contact with my skull, Pacey blathers something about Boy George and tosses a pillow off of Joey's bed. On the bed, he spots a stack of college application materials, which he asks Joey about. She acts all shady and mumbles that it's "junk mail," and Pacey throws me a shout-out by asking, "You get junk mail from Princeton University?" Heh. Not until after she graduates and they start hitting her up for the Annual Fund, she doesn't. Joey blows it off, saying that "it comes from everywhere" and it "doesn't mean anything," and she laughingly adds that she'd never go to most of these places, and she pronounces "Valparaiso" wrong and says it's "in like Brazil or something." Yeah. Brazil, Indiana. Shut up, Joey. Anyway, her attempt to soft-pedal the subject doesn't work; Pacey prompts her, "But you're gonna go somewhere." After much looking at Pacey and looking away and trying to think of something to say, she shrugs flirtatiously, "Well, not right this second," and she smiles broadly and falsely. Pacey smiles back, but sadly. Joey plunks herself down in his lap and says that "it's early yet anyway," and muses that "maybe I'll just go to one of those fictional colleges, you know? Like on one of those lame high-school TV shows that go on for way too long and then, just in time to save the franchise, all of a sudden it turns out that there's this amazing world-class college that's right around the corner where all the principal characters are accepted." Hey, didn't that happen on 90210? Because I don't think I get it. Oh, wait. I do. I do get it. I GET IT. Joey kisses Pacey and says that, "just to be safe," they should probably apply to other schools anyway, and he nods tolerantly, and they smooch some more as we go to credits.

Cat in pot of boiling water.

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