Props to KR, bstewart, Ace, Jenga, owen, Glark and Sars.
Before I embark upon this wrap-up, I want everyone to know how much this episode took out of me. One couple going at it per show is lots; never again do I want to have to sit through three teenaged couples exploring their youthful sexuality. Yecch.
Open on a tight close-up of Pacey "Chipmunk Cheeks" Witter, who's saying, "I can't believe you're saying this. I mean, after all these years of hiding behind highbrow analytical posturing." Cut to a tight close-up of Dawson "Little Joey Eszterhas" Leery, who replies, "I'm saying it. I love you. I know it's nonsensical --" Pacey cuts him off with, "'Nonsensical'? It's insane! We've known each other for fifteen years, you couldn't find some other time to Freudian slip this cat out of the bag?" Dawson exclaims, "I've wanted to! So many times! You have no idea how long I've been wrestling internally with the psychological repercussions of, of my feelings," as the camera moves further back, taking in Pacey, sitting on the bed, and Dawson in a chair across from him. Pacey says, "I need time to process. I mean, my electrical synapses are on overload here. My brain is telling me one thing, but my heart, it says another [sic]. It's telling me that I should consider the unequivocal, highly irrational, possibly damaging proposition of loving you back." Dawson says, "Wait," and leans in for the...script that's lying on the bed beside Pacey. "God, you missed a line. You forgot 'hypnotically scarring,'" so I say, props to Pacey for delivering only those lines that actually make sense. Pacey says, "So if you want it done right, you get an actor. I'm not exactly comfortable playing the girl here." Oh, now I see what they've done! They've set up the scene as if Dawson were actually making a declaration of love to Pacey, and not that they're both reciting lines from Dawson's evidently craptacular script! Homosexual humour! What delightful, not at all offensive fun! Ha ha, not (tm Sars). And I would add here that, in order to transcribe the dialogue accurately, I had to rewind and replay several times those few seconds in which Dawson leans toward Pacey, mouth slightly parted, as if he were going to kiss him, and I can't help thinking Kevin Williamson crafted that little moment as a bit of all right for himself, but whatever. Dawson says, "So what do you think? Do you think it'd make a good movie?" Pacey demurs, saying, "You write in too many syllables. I mean, what's with all this psychobabble insight? How many teenagers do you know that talk like that?" Oh, how very meta, to have Pacey deliver the stinging criticism the show so often receives. Delicious. Except for the "delicious" part (tm Sars). Dawson answers, "Syllables aside, do you think it'll make a good movie?" Oh I see, Dawson, you're going to ask until you get the answer you want. Pacey says, non-committally, "Yeah, yeah. However, you did make Joey a little bit on the angry side, even for her." For some reason, the camera is panning back and forth again, only it's positioned behind a piece of furniture so that things like Dawson's lava lamp keep getting in the way. Good thing that's not really annoying and distracting. Oh wait -- it is (tm Sars).
Dawson scoffs, "It's not Joey!" Pacey says, "Right. That's not Joey, the guy's not you, and you're not dissecting you two's [sic] relationship on the page just like every other narcissistic writer through history." Dawson says again, "Tell me what you think," as if that isn't exactly what Pacey has been doing for the past three minutes, ass-munch. Pacey says, "I think it's dark. It's obtuse. ["Obtuse. fig. Not acutely affecting the senses; indistinctly felt or perceived; dull." -- OED] It's very un-Dawson Leery." Having finally goaded Pacey into giving the answer he was waiting for (and not, evidently, perceiving the insult of having his writing described as "obtuse"), Dawson smirks and says, "Thank you," and then gets up and crosses the room, allowing the camera to pass behind yet another lamp. WHY? Dawson continues: "This is the first time I've been able to write something that's not only plot-driven, but also emotionally-driven." Uh, Dawson, you better put your horn away before your tooting causes your lungs to collapse. Pacey says, with evident boredom, "Congratulations. You're evolving as an artist." Dawson sits down at his computer, immensely pleased with himself. "All right. It's about time I took some risks, you know? Ride the edge a little." My God, REIN IT IN, David Lynch, before your head grows any larger! Pacey, in an attempt to deflate said noggin, says, "Well, if that's the case, I do have one note." "Which is?" replies Dawson warily. Pacey says, "Why don't they have sex?" Dawson rolls his eyes. Pacey continues: "I know you and Joey never did in real life, but this is a film; you can write it any way you want. You know? Take the risky plunge." Dawson turns on him: "Ah! See, I have. How many movies do you see where a bunch of horny teenagers just go at it like rabbits [shout-out to the plot of this episode]? Huh? I mean, that's the safe choice. The risky, edgier choice is to have them not do it." Dawson settles back to smirking despite the fact that he's using the words "risky" and "edgy" like an ad executive. Hey Dawson, how about combing that prodigious vocabulary for some words that have actual meanings? Pacey says, "Only you would take your virginal insecurities and your fear of deflowerment and turn them into 'risky, edgy' behaviour." Go Pacey! Dawson protesteth too much: "Oh yeah. I have no problem being a virgin [as Paula Cole's ululations swell in the background]. I'm sorry if my confidence in my convictions discombobulates you." "'Dis-com-bob-u-late,'" says Pacey. "How many syllables is that?" Dawson whips the script at him and we cut to the opening credits. This paragraph has been brought to you by Sayings of tm Sars.