Snaps to MCA, Sarahnova, and Wing Chun.
So much of this week's episode seemed to consist of boring exposition in service of future episodes, and it really dragged (pun not intended), so I kept the recap short.
Previously on Dawson's Creek, Eve gives Dawson a stolen copy of the PSAT; the gang argues over what to do with it; it disappears; Andie cheats on it; Pacey makes fun of The Flash for coaching football; The Flash wants Jack to join the team, and Jack expresses reluctance to do so.
Fade up on the Sanctum Dawsonorum. Pacey "Cosmo's Closet" Witter, carrying a piece of AV equipment, kicks the door open and begins listing things like the Commodore 64, lawn darts, and Super Sugar Crisp, winding up with, "And now, back from the halls of obsolescence, the Betamax machine!" Dawson "Malt-O-Mealberg" Leery calls Pacey "a lifesaver" by way of thanks, and comments that he has forty-eight hours "to become an expert documentarian, but all my mom's old newsreels are in Beta." My recollection of Betamax's real-life date of extinction makes this highly unlikely, but whatever. Pacey snidely expresses surprise that Dawson has forsaken "the ephemeral world of make-believe for the gritty realities of real life," wondering if the world has spun off its axis, and given the gravitational pull of Dawson's giant cranium, I wouldn't rule that out, but Dawson tells Pacey that the human-interest story his mother was working on for the network "fell out [sic] at the last minute," and if he can get her "some raw footage" by Friday, The Hussy might be able to whip it into shape and get it on the air that night. All right, hold on a minute here. I assume that The Hussy does in fact work for a network as a correspondent, because I can't imagine that a local-news station in Philadelphia would give a fiddler's fart about high-school football in Cape Cod, but can someone please explain to me in which universe a news producer would consent to air footage shot by the teenage blunderkind son of the new anchor? I. Don't. THINK SO. Anyhow, Pacey calls the story "the chance of a lifetime" and understands why Dawson has changed "his vision," and Dawson calls it "a temporary change," which leads to the obligatory fantasy-vs.-reality debate, which I won't detail because we've heard it a bazillion times before. Pacey mentions Eve, and Dawson concentrates on hooking up the Betamax machine and doesn't respond, so Pacey asks, "Who's your guinea pig?" None other than "Broadway" Jack McPhee. Pacey ruminates on the whole "gay football player makes good" story arc and advises Dawson not to "mess with" it, and Dawson says, "It's a great story, but you can't just turn the camera on and let it run," hitting "play" on a home movie of his younger, smaller-headed self playing mini-football with The Flash. Pacey asks, "Why not? That's exactly what's happening here, and it seems pretty interesting to me." Dawson says his mom must have taped over her reel, and then we see a burst of static before cutting to a home movie of Joey's late mother introducing a young Joey "Vertical Hold Adjustment" Potter to Young Dawson. Pacey asks, "Is that who I think it is?" and he and Dawson watch Young Joey push Young Dawson to the ground and run away (heh), and the theme music starts up. Pacey observes, "Once a heartbreaker, always a heartbreaker, eh, Dawson?" Dawson watches the tape for much longer than he needs to as the sound of a cat with its tail caught in an industrial clothes press fills my living room. Skillet: 1, Sars: 0.
Grams at the kitchen table of the Ryan Home For Wayward Sexualized-Too-Young Girls And Alternatively-Lifestyled Boys. Enter Jen "Delusions Of Garofalo" Lindley, clad in her game-day gear: torn fishnets, abbreviated cheerleader uniform, and crimptastic hairstyle. Grams gives her guff about her attire, accusing her of "degrading [her] team colors," and Jen comes back with a pseudo-feminist slam on the entire concept of cheerleading and adds, "I'm making a statement." What statement, exactly -- "whoever issued a patent to the inventor of the crimping iron owes us all an apology"? Grams sniffs, "You're making a mockery," and goes back to doing the jumble. Jen confesses that she doesn't know how much more of the whole school-spirit gig she can take, and Grams lectures her on how the school needs Jen's "leadership and verve" for the important game they have coming up, remarking that, when she wore the Capeside colors, she relished the chance to show her team spirit. Jen gathers up her bookbag and says, "Grams, I hate to break it to you, but you were showing off a bit more than just team spirit." Shut up, Jen. Grams scowls.