Dawson's Creek
Dawson's Creek

Episode Report Card
Sars: D | 423 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Homecoming

Jack approaches The Flash; he got a message that The Flash wanted to see him. The Flash puts out orange cones and tells Jack he wants him to join the team. Jack says no way. The Flash says he and Henry did a great job. Jack asks if he has to "spell it out for" The Flash. The Flash says yes, he does, so Jack spells it out: "A gay kid on the football team. Now if that isn't a written invitation for ridicule, what is?" The Flash says one has nothing to do with the other, and Jack says in a perfect world, maybe it doesn't, but "that's not Capeside." The Flash delivers a monologue about why he took the coaching job, and the suckiness of the team, and the toughness of the last year of his life, and how he can't let a chance at winning escape, because "that's somethin' I could really use right now. Jack, I think you could too." Jack gives him a distrustful stare.

Dawson packs the SUV. Jen strolls over from Grams's house and asks what he's doing. The drugstore bag falls on the ground, and Jen picks it up, peeks in, and spots the condoms. After sarcastically expressing her shock, she asks, "Who is the lucky girl?" Dawson declines to answer ["That's just as well, since I don't know that the word 'lucky' describes a potential sexual partner of Dawson's." -- Wing Chun], and Jen notes that, ever since he returned from Philadelphia, "someone's been whistling a very different tune." Dawson proclaims himself "a Dawson Leery for the new millennium," and Jen asks if "Dawson 2000" is ready to have sex. Dawson doesn't get it. Jen says, "Sex isn't a one-way street, Dawson -- there's gonna be expectations where you're concerned." He asks her advice. Big mistake -- Jen observes sagely that virgins always go too slow or too fast, and asks which he thinks he'll be, and Dawson doesn't know how he would know, a response which prompts Jen to go into a long-winded, inapt, and vaguely disgusting metaphor involving an ice-cream sundae. I would go into more detail, but -- but -- I! Want! TO LIVE! A few choice phrases in case you don't get the idea: "Lick around the exterior." "You want to make that sundae last a long time." "If you don't get the whipped cream all over your face, you're not doin' it right." Shut up, Jen. [Ow! -- Wing Chun]

Dawson's Creek

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