Dawson's Creek
Hopeless

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Mini-golf course. Anna stresses over a putt. Drue complains. Joey hisses at him. Pacey advises Anna on her shot, and Joey again gives him the furry eyeball while Drue whinges some more about another date he has later and not wanting to stay out all night with "you skeeves" and blah blangety blick. Joey snatches his cell phone away from him, and when he snarks at her, she threatens to reheat the whup-ass she served him in the storage room if he doesn't make nice with Anna. Drue thinks she means that he should act "more like Pacey," and Joey says that it "wouldn't hurt," and Drue strums the jealousy mandolin, pointing out that Pacey "does seem to be enjoying himself, doesn't he?" Joey looks sad. Just then, Anna gets her ball into the hole (no comment), squeals, "I did it!" and runs over to give Pacey a big hug. Drue snarks. Joey sulks.

A school building. Inside, Jack stands in the doorway, waiting to get Tobey's attention. Tobey gets up and greets him with a nice smile (yay) and a stupid comment involving Jack Sprat (sigh -- please shut up, Tobey). Jack informs him with a dry chuckle, "I did not come down here to be your whipping boy, Tobey [awww, man], so check the attitude at the door please, and let's get serious for a second." "Clever," Tobey smirks. "All that and sass, too. Maybe you are one of the tribe after all." Tobey, Tobey, Tobey. Please. Shut up. Tobey explains the deal with the tutoring: Jack reads with the kids and helps them sound out words, "but mostly just be nice to 'em." Jack says he can do that. "I know," Tobey says affably. Jack looks up, startled. Tobey says that's why he asked Jack down there.

Gretchenmobile. The girls talk about kitchen-counter sex and "recovery time." Dawson looks profoundly uncomfortable. Keira asks Dawson very condescendingly, "Ohhh, is this too much for you?" He lies that no, it's "fascinating." Giggling. Then the girls spot a song on the radio that reminds them of a dorky guy who used to live on their floor, and they crank it and sing along; Dawson doesn't know the song, but tries to play it off like he does, nodding, "Yeah, vaguely." The girls cackle and screech. Dawson grins all fakely, and you can almost hear his teeth drying out.

Post-game at mini-golf. Anna talks lipstick with Joey; the boys come back to the table, and Joey explains that they're discussing how the beauty industry "manipulates and contorts our perception of ourselves." Drue sarcastically comments on the intellectual conversation and asks Anna her opinion on the "electoral college controversy," a remark that probably seemed really cutting and timely when the writers penned this episode three months ago, but which falls pretty flat. Joey warns Drue to "lay off," but Anna blunders ahead, saying she thinks people should go to "whatever college they want to," as long as their parents can afford it. Like, ha ha. Not. Drue slams Anna's stupidity. Anna calls him a jerk. Drue mentions that Anna's father "arranged this whole evening." Pacey gets up at that point and declares that "this sick and twisted little evening is now over," and Drue comments on how it's "sweet" that Pacey always defends "damsels in distress," adding, "Especially the blonder ones." Zing! Joey glares at Drue. Pacey asks if he's now allowed to punch Drue in the face. Drue wants to ask Pacey a question first, and he gets up and blathers on about how beautiful girls "will only put out" if men call them smart, and vice versa. I could write a masters thesis about that comment, but I will confine myself to remarking that a double date isn't really the most appropriate time to give voice to it, and that whichever one of the writers came up with that soggy platitude after twelve glasses of wine-in-the-box probably shouldn't feel too proud of himself, since you can find the same antediluvian sentiment in cave drawings. ANYway, Anna sighs that "this is all [her] fault," and Joey tries to tell her that it isn't, that nothing is her fault, but Anna continues to groan that she's an idiot and she can't believe she was so stupid, and she gets up and shudders at Drue, "I can't believe I slept with you," and walks off. Joey is shocked. Pacey says he didn't see "that one" coming. Yeah, nobody did; the writers didn't give it any set-up. Drue smirks guiltily.

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Dawson's Creek

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