Dawson's Creek

Episode Report Card

Credits. For god's sake, Paula Cole, shut up and buy a razor.

Establishing outdoor shots of Capeside: the ferry, the quaintness of clapboard, Ye Olde Downetowne. Over at the high school, Mr. Gold asks the film class for "some ideas" as Dawson squirms in the back of the room. Everyone brainstorms ideas for Cliff "The Once And Future Noel" Elliott's movie. Suggestions include choreographing a big production number, giving one of the characters a drinking problem, and killing someone off; Nellie "Abby Who?" Olson makes snide comments about all of them. At last, Dawson can no longer contain himself and begins blithering about dramatic tension and internal conflict and sympathy for the underdog rather than "the golden boy," and one wonders why the writers can put these words in Dawson's mouth but don't seem to know how to employ any of these techniques themselves. The class stares at Dawson. Cliff mulls over what Dawson has said as Nellie, in her capacity "as producer," appeals to Mr. Gold to shut Dawson up. Go, Nellie. Mr. Gold fixes Dawson with a well-done-Grasshopper-but-still-you-have-much-to-learn look; Dawson glares at Mr. Gold; the bell rings.

Pacey "Rico Suave" Witter macks his way into Miss Tamara "TaMAHra" Jacobs's classroom and wonders aloud if her failure to return his test means she wants to see him after class. Oh, great -- I see a whole passel of icky puns straight off the set of Van Halen's "Hot For Teacher" video in my future. Sars Maalox Scorecard for today: three minutes, 28 seconds.

TaMAHra tells him briskly, "It means you racked up another prime number on a quiz." Pacey asks hopefully, "Prime like quality steak is prime?" TaMAHra, with an indulgent smile: "Prime like 23 is prime." Ouch. Pacey winces as TaMAHra asks him if he knows anything at all about Ethan Frome. Pacey says he knows Ethan Frome has a farm, and TaMAHra sighs as Pacey breaks into a verse of "Old MacDonald Had A Farm" and tells him to knock it off, saying sternly, "This is serious. I heard the other teachers talking about your work -- or lack thereof. This is across the board. You're failing." Pacey asks her if she knows "how difficult it is to fail," and cracks that he's put a considerable amount of time and effort into flunking. TaMAHra plays along: "This is deliberate?" Pacey says, "Of course," and talks about his hope that "a certain teacher" would bail him out with "some private tutorial encounters." TaMAHra tells him, "This isn't a question of your intelligence, Pacey," and as she gets up to erase the board, Pacey answers, "Of course it's not. You see, my problem is, I have a focus issue. I need a slave-driver. Somebody with a whip, maybe?" Oh, for the love of Pete. TaMAHra whispers, "We can't interact like this," and Pacey points out that tutoring doesn't fall outside the bounds of their student-teacher relationship. TaMAHra sort of rolls her eyes, and checks her appointment book while casually commenting that she has a teacher's meeting after class but Pacey can meet her at around six: "I'll be working late." Pacey smiles an "I'm the man" smile to himself and says, "Yeah," and goes on his merry way.

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Dawson's Creek




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