Dawson's Creek

Episode Report Card

Cut to Dawson, setting up a shot of a row of football helmets while Cliff (in uniform) and Nellie (in four-inch platforms and hooker-wear) discuss something or other. Enter Jen "Hog Heaven" Lindley in a cheerleader's outfit, her hair badly in need of a hot oil: "Hey, Dawson." Dawson, chuckling: "Hey -- what are you doing here?" Jen: "Oh, just living a fantasy." Dawson, hoping she came to see him: "No, seriously." Jen: "Cliff gave me a part." Dawson, with his customary lack of tact: "At no point was there a couch involved, right?" Jen: "No, Cliff's a very nice guy." She says she has two lines, which needless to say don't bear repeating, especially since Dawson doesn't seem to hear them, whining, "But Jen, you're supposed to be in my movie, not this homage to headgear." Before Jen can respond to this babyish outburst, Cliff hails Jen, "Hey, glad you made it." He shepherds her over to the rest of the "cast," telling her, "Just in time, we were just about to start," and Dawson deflates as Nellie shrills, "Rehearsal's up!" Cliff grabs his helmet from Dawson and says, "Thanks, David," and Jen, not seeming to notice Cliff's hand on her shoulder, corrects him, "It's Dawson." Dawson smiles weakly.

Pacey. TaMAHra. Ethan Frome. Pacey wants to know about TaMAHra's high-school self. TaMAHra captained the dance team, served as class treasurer, and "studied a lot." She also had a boyfriend. Pacey asks if she would have dated him. She splutters about the appropriateness of the question for this venue. Pacey asks again. TaMAHra says "probably not," but that she's learned a lot since then, "and I'm smarter now -- at least I was until a few weeks ago." She hands him a sheet of paper with summary questions for the first chapter and says that if he answers them correctly, she might give him "some positive reinforcement." Whatever.

The Icehouse. Joey takes the trash out, accompanied by the strains of violin music. Looking for its source, she sees Richie Rich sitting on his boat, clad in high-water khakis and Vans and sawing away on a fiddle. He senses her standing there and, after he finishes, quips, "No applause, just send money." Har. Dee. Har. Har. Not. Joey snorts and turns away, and he asks her not to go, and he mock-accuses her of "spying on" him, and she shrugs, "It's a public dock." He introduces himself as Anderson Crawford, as if that will induce me to call him anything other than Richie Rich (or perhaps "Kermie Rich," since his voice sounds for all the word like Kermit The Frog); Joey responds to this with "congratulations," and he asks, "So, do you come with a name, or -- just an attitude?" Joey: "Just an attitude." Richie: "And people find this charming?" Joey: "I haven't asked." He asks what brings her to Capeside, and she shrugs again, and he banters in her general direction for a minute or two, and then Joey asks what brings him to Capeside, and basically Richie has taken a leave from his all-male boarding school to accompany his parents on an antiquing trip -- not a background guaranteed to win him any points with Joey, who comments, "Well, I'm a Pisces, I'm into Harleys, body piercing, and men with tattoos." Richie, who evidently flunked "Introduction To Sarcasm," asks if Joey has come with her parents, and whether they "own a boat," and Joey lies, "Actually, we brought the chauffeur. Mother hates to sail, she doesn't like the sun, she burns easy." Richie: "What about you?" Joey: "I wear lotion." Richie: "No, I mean, do you like to sail?" Then, after some more mock-hostile flirting, Richie invites Joey sailing the next day, and she says she can't, and he wheedles, "I'll show you my tattoo," and Joey says derisively, "Gap ad has a tattoo?" Old Joey, Old Joey -- wherefore art thou, Old Joey? Richie wheedles some more, and finally she breaks down and says maybe she'll go. Richie "can live with maybe" if she'll tell him her name, and she thinks for a minute before coming up with "Deborah Kerr -- son. Deborah Carson." On a scale of one to ten brickbats to the head, this subplot gets an eight.

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Dawson's Creek




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