Dawson's Creek
Living Dead Girl

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Living Dead Girl

Previously: There are no previouslys because no one cares.

Sigh. This show is really wearing me down. I don't understand how Sars did this for so long without going on a killing spree, and then turning the gun on herself. Honestly, I can't even work up a good head of steam about it anymore. I don't have any rage left. I am rage-free. I'm just lying here on the sofa, moaning.

Anyway. Halloween music plays on the soundtrack as we open on the set of The World's Most Boring Movie. Natasha walks into the shot in full-on 1970s gear -- high-waisted jeans, ringer tee, et cetera. She pulls a similarly outfitted male into the bedroom behind her. They fall on the bed and start making out. "Are you sure about this?" the guy asks. Natasha simpers that she's never been more sure of anything in her life. "Groovy," he says. They go back to making out. In walks some guy with an axe. I hate it when axe murderers interrupt my make-out sessions. The Axe Murderer lifts his weapon of choice high over his head and…hits the electrical cords used to wire the lighting. Sparks fly everywhere. The Axe Murderer rips off his mask. "Cut," he yells. On the edge of the set, Todd rolls his eyes and complains, telling the Axe Murderer that yelling "cut" is one of the "few bright spots in [Todd's] otherwise bleak existence." Dawson smiles to himself as the stuntman stomps off. "That was fun. I forgot sometimes how much I like yelling at people," Todd says. "You're a sick man," Dawson snickers. Todd blathers on a bit, managing to drop the tidbit that they're having a Halloween party that evening and that it's happening oh-so-very-conveniently right there, on their allegedly haunted soundstage. Dawson raises his monster brows at this factoid, but Todd explains that an actress, "Melanie Ray" -- who was "the Jamie Lee Curtis of her time" -- was filming a B-movie on this very stage, many years ago. At this point, Natasha skips over to stand behind Todd and rub his neck. Dawson gives her a mildly hairy eyeball, but listens as Todd explains that Melanie was having an affair with her director, despite being married to her costar. And when the costar found out about the affair, he strangled Melanie. On set. Onscreen. "That sucks," Dawson comments sensitively. Todd intones that Melanie's spirit haunts the soundstage to this day. "If you believe in that sort of thing," he adds. Dawson looks around the set with a glint in his eye as Todd and Natasha exchange Meaningful Glances. "Even I can tell that this is a set-up," my Agent Mulder action figure mutters from the coffee table. The PA swings by to take Natasha to wardrobe. Once they're alone again, Dawson gives Todd the hairy eyeball and asks if he and Natasha are having an affair. Todd snarks that he prefers screwing the extras. He adds, however, that if he were in the market for some lead actress ass, Natasha would be the frontrunner, as she is "delightful." Dawson gulps. They get back to Natasha's delightful Making Out = Marked For Death scene. Dawson flares his nostrils watching Natasha and her Groovy Costar kissing. Todd hides a grin.

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Dawson's Creek




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