Previously: No one cared. However, I would like to take a moment to tell you all that you need to be watching Passions because right now, there's a monkey in love with a man (who just told the monkey that he's "flattered" that the monkey "has feelings" for him), a talking mystical candle, evil clowns, and a mysterious shed. It's hilarious! It's the best show ever!
Anyway. Worthington College For Whatever, I'm Too Tired To Think Of Anything Funny Here. Joey studies on her bed, as Oliver sits next to her and kisses on her neck. She sort of demurs, telling him that she needs to concentrate on her studies. "How come you don't want to get with me?" he whines. "Get with me"? Oh, sweet Mary. Yeah, this guy is a total improvement over Pacey. If by "a total improvement," you mean "totally not an improvement." I already hate this episode. Joey gives him a horrified and appalled look, as he wonders why they're not having any sex. "Is there a hygiene issue I'm not aware of?" he wonders. Now that you mention it, you do look like you haven't washed your hair since 1997. Before Joey gets to that, however, Audrey comes bursting into the room, and it's all "Squee! I missed you!" and "Eeee, I love you!" and "Oooh, I totally forgive you for throwing a beer bottle at [Oliver's] head!" And then Audrey yammers something about how "the sexiest man in all of America" was on her plane. She tries to force them to guess who she's talking about, calling him "the thinking girl's dream." Since when is Audrey a thinking girl? "Ian Ziering?" Oliver shout-outs. But no -- although I would pay Sars to let me recap an episode of this show, if it were guest-starring the erstwhile Steve Sanders -- this mystery man is actually Dr. Drew Pinsky, of Loveline "fame." The girls then wax poetic about the many wondrous qualities of El Pinsky, who is a perfectly fine radio presence and a fairly handsome man, but the two of them are talking like he's Brad F'in Pitt. Seriously, I wonder if Sony owns a share in Loveline, because the amount of awe-filled exposition in this scene borders on the embarrassing.
Speaking of embarrassing, Joey and Audrey are then forced to explain who "Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla" are, what they do on Loveline, what Loveline is, and when and where it used to air. (And yes, I know that the radio show is still on the air: I grew up listening to the show before it was even syndicated. And I'm sorry, but I think that its heyday is basically past. Which is why I don't feel too bad saying that this plot feels about six years too old.) Audrey then makes a series of loud squealing sounds -- much like a dolphin -- as Joey tells her that Adam and Drew are appearing at Boston Bay College of I Am So Happy We've Only Got Four Episodes Left If This Is The Kind of Filler They're Going To Give Us While We're All Killing Time Waiting For The Finale as part of a fundraiser for the Please God, Help Me Helpline. And then Audrey runs into the bathroom. "She's baaaaack," Joey twitters, and then she and Oliver dissolve into giggles. My God, man! This is how they're following up last week's Emotionally Involving Tear-Jerker? Forty-eight minutes of filler about two guys who've never been on this show and never will be again? Where's Pacey? How's he dealing with Joey dumping him? What's Dawson doing at home with his mother and Lily? What about Grams? We just found out she has cancer! Well, sure -- it makes sense that, instead of dealing with any of those stories, we spend an hour talking about Audrey's imaginary boyfriend number seventeen, Dr. Drew. Maybe I'll just spend the rest of this recap talking about Michael Vartan.