The recap is later than usual. The recap is later than usual because I procrastinated, and I procrastinated because I couldn't decide whether I found the episode dead boring or highly offensive, and in lieu of making up my mind, I prepared my corporate tax return. Do you know what that means? Do you understand the significance of my choosing to commune with a stack of IRS-related paperwork instead of writing the recap? Do you know how much I hate math, even when armed with a calculator? And do you know what I said to myself when I got up at eight in the morning on a Saturday to get to a meeting with my New Jersey accountant, and when I slept through my stop on the train and had to beg and plead with the conductor to let me off on the tracks instead of making me wait until New Providence to get off, and when I had to walk up to my parents' house lugging a duffel bag full of forms and receipts, and when my parents had taken all of the cars and I had to walk back down to my father's office to steal my car back from him and my business-like shoes gave me a blister on the bottom of my foot that burst and filled my shoe with gucky stuff, and when my accountant looked over the prep and told me that I'd calculated everything incorrectly and would have to start over from scratch and make a tracking chart in Excel, a program that hates me? I said to myself, "Well, it could be worse. I could be writing the recap for 'Mind Games,'" and I sat there at a conference table, crippled, uncaffeinated, surrounded by the detritus of my fiscal life, and I smiled, I tell you, because I would rather have sawed my own foot off with a grapefruit knife than write the recap. The point in the season had arrived at which I truly believed that I could not go on. No more nicknames. No more sidebars. Only sorrow.
Then I got home and caught Contrivance in the act of trying to convert one of the cats into a bong, forcing me to postpone my retirement for a least a week in order to dispense with The Deception That Could Come Between Everyone.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Sars's new boyfriend Tom Frost busted out the mind science on Jen and won her over; Pacey and Joey squabbled over not telling "the whole world" about their sex life, and Pacey said Joey just didn't want Dawson to find out, and Joey made a "busted…uh, I mean, fuck you!" face; Dawson asked Joey if she'd slept with Pacey, and Joey's face melted, and then she lied and said no; Mr. Peepers dried Sars's tears of exhaustion with a banana peel.
Fade up on the Capeside High caf, where "I Swear To Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth, So Help Me" Joey Potter and Pacey "All-Day Sucker" Witter canoodle and try to come up with a plan for more sex-having. Pacey proposes checking into the PB&B under assumed names, but Joey nixes the idea exposition-style, saying that they have no vacancies because of "some arts festival over in Wellfleet." Nice one, writers -- Wellfleet is an actual town on Cape Cod. Tourism highlights include an operational drive-in theater, an awesome flea market, and a seafood shack situated across the road from a cemetery. We used to pass the seafood shack every day on our way back from the beach, and every day, we saw an ambulance parked outside, so between the graveyard and the paramedics, the whole family started calling it "Al's Food Poisoning Hut -- we put the 'salmon' back in 'salmonella.'" But we did eat there once, and it's fine -- they make a mean chowder. Aaaaanyway, Pacey suggests that they head to the boiler room right then instead. After a moment's hesitation, Joey says no, and Pacey needles her for actually considering it; she mock-glares at him, and they smooch. Then she says flirtatiously that "it is second semester senior year, I guess these grades don't really count for anything," and Pacey leers delightedly at her, and they kiss some more before Drue "Night Of The Iguana" Valentine busts into the frame, yelling "coming through" and muttering to Joey and Pacey that they need to "break that up" before he charges admission. Word. Then Drue announces with much expositional fanfare that he has the results of the Capeside High Class of 2001 senior poll. Shot of Joey and Pacey clowning around. The denizens of the cafeteria pretty much ignore him, so Drue gets up on a chair and blathers on about cutting to the chase with class couple, calling it "not much of a contest" and describing the winners as "the two people so much in love they make the rest of us wanna puke on a daily basis" (word). Another shot of Joey and Pacey mooning at each other before Drue announces the non-startling winners: Joey Potter and Dawson Leery. Joey whips around to glare at Drue. Pacey shakes his head and chuckles ruefully. Joey shoots Pacey an "I don't believe this" look, and we dissolve to the credits as Contrivance speed-dials Domino's.