Bring me the head of Michigan J. Frog.
Over at The Ryan Home For Wayward Granddaughters, Grams is asking Jen, "Where exactly are you going?" Jen tells Grams that Dawson has a gun, so they thought they’d rob a couple of liquor stores and then get some tattoos. Grams doesn’t find this funny -- probably because, like most of the attempts at humor on the show, it isn’t -- and chastises Jen for talking "like that." Jen teases her, "I am simply trying to establish a rapport with you that is based on humor." Um, Jen? Try harder. Grams asks that Jen come in by ten, which Jen says she can do, and she thanks Grams for "being so cool about this" because she thought Grams would chain her to a chair or something, and Grams says not to mention it, "just as long as you come to church with me on Sunday morning." Jen: "I knew there was going to be a catch -- Grams, I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to give up on this one." Grams, with a little smile: "I’m afraid I insist." Jen, crisply: "I’m firm about my beliefs. Please respect them." Grams tells her she knows what happened in New York, and church will do Jen good, but Jen tells Grams to let her determine that, and she’ll promise to keep an open mind in regards to Grams’s beliefs. Gee, Jen, how generous. Well, except for the "generous" part. Grams informs her, "The decision has been made. You will do as I say, you are under my guard." Jen remarks, "You know, I am trying really hard to keep my rebellious nature in check," as if by not acting out she is somehow doing Grams a favor, and then says she will go to church when Grams says the word "penis." Needless to say, that goes over like a lead balloon, and Jen prates on about the "clinical and technical" nature of the word "penis" as Grams stands open-mouthed, and then Jen says, "Grams, I really love you, but you’re gonna have to lighten up." She kisses Grams on the cheek and goes out. So very funny -- any minute I’m sure to laugh (tm Cordelia).
The Flash tinkers with a model of something or other. Dawson galumphs down the stairs attired in a J.Crew outfit about three sizes too large and announces his imminent departure. The Flash asks what Dawson thinks of all the waitresses wearing scuba gear. Huh? Dawson’s opinion: "Completely impractical."
Dawson goes on to describe The Flash’s aquatic theme restaurant as "getting worse on a daily basis." The Flash ignores this and tells Dawson to move out of the way of the TV; Gail’s newscast has just come on and, The Flash leers, "Watching her work is the best foreplay." With dialogue like this, who needs syrup of ipecac? Dawson agrees and makes to leave, but when The Flash warns him to "play safe," Dawson has a hissy about "the sex" and how "that’s all anybody ever thinks about anymore," and he doesn’t see "the big deal," and I can see a twelve-year-old freaking out in this prudish manner, but not a fifteen-year-old, and certainly not a fifteen-year-old boy. The Flash points out that "sex is a very big part of who we are as human beings," and Dawson retorts, "Does that mean we have to go hump the coffee table?" Then Dawson actually asks why, "if sex is so important," Spielberg has never had a sex scene in one of his movies, and says that Spielberg keeps sex in its proper place in film, "as should we in life." The Flash, instead of sending Dawson to his room until he turns forty, doesn’t dignify his tirade with a response. Dawson hears the doorbell and bolts, leaving The Flash to gaze upon Gail with lust in his eye.