Inside the store, we do a slow pan to the end of an aisle, where Trojan and Kimono condoms both get a product placement. Dawson selects a Trojan one-pack, then bumps into Joey -- of course. Of course he does -- and drops the rubber on the floor, and she apologizes and bends down to retrieve it, and then they both look at it and share a moment of mortification. Cut to Jack telling them to hurry up so they don't miss the boat; Tobey is standing behind him with an entire Sno-Ball in his mouth. Hee hee! Tobey rules. More awkwardness.
The limo pulling up to the prom boat at sunset. The whole gang piles out of the limo in a big hurry and dashes up the gangplank, and we fade to commercial.
Ew…James Van Der Beek needs to shave. And to stop making his hair look like a bad weave.
Das Promboot. Shots of happy mingling up on the deck. Belowdecks, Dawson escorts Gretchen through the madding crowd; they come to a stop, Dawson looking self-satisfied, Gretchen looking like she's about to start hyperventilating. Dawson remarks that, not only is he there with "an older woman," but he's got the most beautiful date in the room. Gretchen calls his "charm…a perfect antidote for the complete wave of weirdness that just crashed over" her, and Dawson tries to chill her out by saying that nobody really notices anybody else "at these things" anyway: "They're all so caught up in their own melodramas." That doesn't make Gretchen feel any better. Dawson dryly suggests that, in that case, Gretchen can just tell people she's "chaperoning." Zing! Gretchen mock-glares at him and says she doesn't know whether to hit him or kiss him "for that comment." Well, I'd go with "hit him," but I guess Gretchen forgot to bring her cane with her, so she settles for kissing him. Just then, Jen stomps by with Drue in pursuit, then whirls around and says that if he keeps following her around, he's "gonna lose a testicle." No comment. Jen bitches at him and asks why he's "doing this," saying that he "can't possibly be enjoying [himself]," and Drue informs her that Jack offered him fifty bucks to pester Jen all night, and he plans on "getting paid in full." Jen starts to nod all beleaguered, but Drue swoops in for a kiss on the cheek and announces goofily, "I'm going to go get us some punch, honey!" Heh. Jen shudders.
At a table, Jack and Tobey bond. Jack is filling Tobey in on Ethan, calling him "so good-looking" and "like a Disney-character version of a human." Um. Okay. And now there's the vignette that I rewound about thirty times because it's so very brilliant. Tobey goes, "Tell me about it -- the first guy to break my heart? He looked just like Ted Danson." Bwa! Man, that's tough. Jack's face freezes all "whaaaat?" Tobey's face falls: "Is that funny?" Jack, trying not to laugh: "Ted Danson, huh?" Tobey objects that "he's a handsome man!" Hee! Jack's all mock-serious: "Yeah, yeah, what is he, like, fifty now?" Tobey laughs that he meant a young Ted Danson, and Jack makes finger guns and jokes, "Ohh-kay, Becker!" Snorf!