Man, it's been a long time since I've written one of these. Civilizations have arisen, fallen, and been rebuilt again. Species have gone extinct. I have felt my youth ebbing away like the tide. And always, always, the knowledge that I still have five Dawson's Creek recaps to write -- not to mention the season premiere -- has been hanging over my head like the Sword of Damocles. It is time that I slay the force that has held me captive. It is time to address Episode 108.
Oh yeah -- props to Jenga, Kim, and the lovely Sars.
Dawson "Mewling Muesli" Leery is moping at his window seat as Joey "Stalin" Potter tries a tough-love approach to get him over Jen "Pig from the City" Lindley: "You haven't eaten and you stare at Jen's house like it's going to disappear. And I've seen you at school. You spy. It's twisted. I mean, I'm almost afraid to ask what movie you brought back." With some shame, Dawson confesses it's "Sid and Nancy." If only that meant Dawson were planning a real-life heroin binge in homage to the doomed Sid! Joey tells him his movie choice proves that he's "getting off on this." Dawson gets off the window seat and starts flailing his arms about the room with all the grace of an ourangoutan on Quaaludes, and declaims: "It's tough to come up with creative moping strategies once I realized that everything I'm about is exactly what turned her off. It's not like I can learn to dance or get a new haircut or something." True, but trying something that doesn't make your head look like a particularly ornate loaf of bread might not hurt, regardless. Joey says, "Dawson, she dumped you. Not your belief system." Ouch, and ha! Dawson says, "She rejected romance, honesty and respect. Every time I see Billy outside of her house, I'm reminded of that." Joey exclaims, "Everything reminds you of her!" and wonders how that can be so, since Dawson has only known Jen for three months. Dawson doesn't know: "It just does." He flops down on the bed. Exasperated, Joey suggests that they just watch the movie, "'cause this conversation's becoming far too disturbing." Joey sits on the chair beside the bed and hits play on the remote; the image that comes on-screen is of Jen in her sundress, walking slowly toward the camera. Dawson groans and puts a pillow over his face. Joey leans over and puts her full weight on said pillow. Well, I wish she did; instead, she, along with North America, rolls her eyes and turns off the TV.
If only we knew whether or not Paula Cole wanted to wait for her life to be over.
Billy "Insignificant Other" Konrad carries a ladder to Jen's window and climbs up to her bedroom, which is empty. He picks up a picture off a table, sets it down, and lays down on the bed with his shoes on. Classy! Off-screen, Jen asks Grams "Terminatrix" Lindley whether she's seen Jen's green shirt. Also off-screen, Grams calls back that she thinks she saw it in Jen's closet. She walks into Jen's room, spots it, and calls, "You left it on the dresser." She picks it up and starts to go when she notices Billy on the bed. Without skipping a beat, she calls, "Jen, would you come up here now, please, and bring the telephone?" To Billy, she says, "And you would be?" Billy replies, "Quite comfortable, thanks." With a dry, cool wit like that, he should be on a failed Fox series. Unimpressed, Grams says, "I want a name." "Billy," he says. Grams says, "Billy! Oh yes. I've heard about you before." Jen comes in with the phone and immediately turns on Billy, demanding to know what the hell he's doing there. He says that the word's out she dropped Dawson, so he thought she might be looking for a suitable replacement. Grams says, "If he's not out of my house in two minutes, I'm calling the National Guard." Seems to me an exterminator would do the job nicely. To Jen, Grams adds, "And then I would like a serious word with you." As she walks out, Billy drawls, "Great to meet you." Hey, Billy? Shut up. Jen says she thought he was leaving. Billy says his car was packed, but then "word trickled down," and he thought he might "stick around a little longer." Jen says, "Well, then why don't I clarify things for you? Just because Dawson and I are on hiatus doesn't mean that there's some vacancy I'm looking to fill." Billy says, "Let's just say there happened to be this guy. Some guy you had a...[sic] intense connection with. Well, then, I might think you might be open to the possibility, right?" Jen says, "I'd have to say no. But I'd also like to add 'not a chance' and 'never again.'" Billy turns and walks to the window, but turns back and remarks, "You used to be fun, you know that?" Jen strolls toward him with her hands on her hips and shoots back, "No. I used to be weak and vulnerable." Billy says, "Yeah, well, next time you alter your personality, let me know in advance. It'll save me the gas money." Having delivered this bon mot, he crawls out the window. Boy, caught between this idiot and the other idiot -- it's hard to imagine a less appealing choice for Jen to make.