Previously on The Bane Of Sars's Existence: Jen weepily told Drue that she doesn't want to go to New York, and Drue told her that not going wouldn't make her weak; Gretchen pink-slipped Dawson; Pacey wigged on Joey and told her that his relationship with her makes him feel like he's nothing, and she told him to go to hell; Sars's stomach petitioned the court for status as an emancipated organ.
Fade up on the caf, where Jen "Manhattan Transfer" Lindley is pressing Jack "Queer In The Headlights" McPhee for details about Tobey so that she can continue living vicariously through him. She uses the words "juicy" and "morsel," which Jack objects to: "It cheapens me." Um nah, no comment. Yet. Jen asks if Jack and Tobey have plans to go out again, and Jack says that they do. "And?" "And that's all you're getting." Jen reminds him that she got them together in the first place, so he owes her details. Jack continues to -- okay, I would say "stonewall" here, but it just doesn't work, for obvious reasons. Jen tells him not to make her beg, because she will if she has to, and at that moment "And Baby Makes" Drue Valentine sits down with his shiny silver coffee thermos and tells Jen that begging is a "good look for" her. Jen says not unkindly that apparently she's off her game, because usually she can "smell [Drue] coming a mile away," and Drue, also not unkindly, tells her to make nice or he won't give them their yearbooks, and he produces said tomes with a flourish. Awfully big yearbook for such a small school, "set designers." Anyway, Jack and Jen pounce on them, but Jen smells a rat, so Drue asks how many prom-drowning rescues he has to perform before Jen accepts "the new [him.]" "Maybe one, or two," she twinkles; Jack looks back and forth between them, smirking. Drue suggests that they turn to page 53 and bow their heads in a moment of silence. Shot of the class couple photo of Pacey and Joey. Heartbroken, Ironic Piano. Jen wonders if they've seen it yet. "I wonder if they're talking yet," Jack adds. Drue doesn't think anyone besides Jack and Jen "cares" about the Pacey-Joey drama, but Jack and Jen ignore him; Jen says that the two of them haven't said "so much as a 'hello' since the prom debacle" as far as she knows, and Jack observes that "the same goes for Dawson and Gretchen." Jen says she's confused by the Dawson-Gretchen bust-up, since she thought sure that one would last, but Jack blathers on about how "long-distance relationships can be tough" and makes believe that Dawson's really going to Los Angeles next year and if anyone gets back together his money's on Joey and Pacey blah blah blah fishcakes. Drue rolls his eyes and says he's heard enough talk; it's time to take some action. He pulls out a twenty and rustles it invitingly. Jack and Jen half-laugh as Drue asks which couple "will live to suck face another day," and Jen says with mock gravity that "it's disgusting" to bet on that, and Jack says with his patented Serious Face Denoting Upcoming Hilarity that "it's really inappropriate, Drue." Beat. Jack: "Jen, spot me two bucks." Hee! The cash comes out, and Jen throws Jack a twenty and tells him to "take it all the way, baby," and as a cat gets fitted with a novelty pet mortarboard, Dawson "Goin' Back To Cali -- Yo, Man, I Don't Think So" Leery and Joey "Without Cause" Potter come up to the table and say "what's up." Van Der Beek has a new 'do going -- shorter in the back and closer to his natural color -- and while it's still kind of bad and has way too much gel and a part that's all wrong for his face, it's a huge improvement. Go Team Hair. Anyway, Jack, Jen, and Drue guiltily slam their yearbooks closed, and Jack covers by asking if they've eaten yet. Jen shows them a photo: "Cute, huh?" Dawson and Joey, oblivious to the neon sign flashing "OBVIOUS DISTRACTION RUSE" above the table, lean in to check out the picture, and we go to credits.