Back to Boston and the This Show Is Clearly Beyond Helpline. Jen answers the phone on her desk, and I seriously want to cry, her hair is that awful. She should sue. "Are you sure that that's actually a problem?" she says to the caller. "Because, speaking as a girl whose boyfriend wants to copulate every waking moment of the day, I would actually welcome the break." Blandy looks up at her. Oh my God. Flames. Flames on the side of my face. First of all, what kind of bitch second-guesses someone's problem when she's working on the Helpline, for pete's sake? Second, who then has the gall to use that person's problem to passive-aggressively air her own dirty laundry? If you have a problem with your sex life, you idiot, then talk to your boyfriend about it honestly, and do your job properly. This entire episode should be subtitled "Jen And Joey Have Incredibly Bad Work Ethics." "It's a little exhausting," she twitters. "This position, that position. You want my legs where? I can't even wear a skirt anymore, without him taking it as an invitation for him to hike it up." With a perturbed look, Blandy gets up and leaves. I think Jen's the one who needs to call the Helpline.
Brokerage of Boredom. In the copy room, some snot congratulates Pacey for landing such a hot secretary. Who are these people? Is this company stocked solely by recent parolees? "Nicely done, Witter. Nicely done indeed," the snot drawls. I'm going to take that as a shout-out, because Heathen and I use that construct all the time. Anyway, Pacey goes to find Joey and finds her at her desk, surrounded by a bunch of twittering bints in suits, like Scarlett O'Hara at Ashley Wilkes's barbecue. Why is her presence there so revolutionary? She honestly doesn't even look that hot. I think Katie Holmes is extremely cute, but they almost ugly her up on this show. She's certainly not attractive enough to render every man in this office totally gobsmacked. This show could not get more unrealistic if Joey was abducted by aliens, had her ova stolen and stored in a lock box in the Pentagon, and was given inoperable nose cancer before giving birth to a miracle baby who just might be the Messiah. "That really wasn't that bad," the Scully action figure comments.
At last, Pacey cuts a swath through the idiots and asks Joey if they're bothering her. "No. They may be trying to, but I can't tell. Did any of you go to college?" she asks. What does that have to do with anything? I know as many irritating college graduates as I do non-college graduates. Someone really ought to remind Joey that her last boyfriend -- you know, Oliver, the one she was all in love with before Pacey lost the goatee -- didn't go to college, either. And neither did Pacey! God! Anyway, Pacey informs the crowd that Joey is his secretary, and she affixes him with the dirtiest look. "Office temp," he corrects himself, and tells them that she's not going to be there long, so none of them should get attached.