Props to Kim, with whom I watched this craptacular episode, and to Sars, who's agreed to do the next two in a row. Props, also, to the DC writers; just when I thought "The Longest Day" was the worst episode of all time, they topped themselves, and forced me to make this whole recap, like, one big PSA to caution any impressionable girls and boys in the audience that everything Dawson says and does is the opposite of what you, or the people you love, or the people who claim to love you, should say and do. Anti-props to HostPro. They know why. So do you, by now, I hope.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Dawson was a whiny bitch.
Oh goody, a montage set to crappy Matchbox Twenty-ish "music." Fade up on the Leery Non-Love Non-Shack. In the Sanctum Dawsonorum, Dawson "Piddly Snot" Leery cradles Aunt Gwen's painting of l'il Dawson and Joey, and broods.
Joey "Henri Doormatisse" Potter stares at the wall Pacey leased for her, and pouts.
Pacey "Dissed and Dismissed" Witter -- sporting a new too-short haircut -- hoses off his boat, and scowls.
Jen "Maude" Lindley walks out Grams's front door, closely followed by Grams "Smackdown" Ryan herself, to see Henry "Stalking the Stalk" Parker standing in front of the house holding a sign that reads, "JEN LINDLEY: WOULD YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME?" Jen turns on her heel and walks back into the house; Grams follows, but not without shooting Henry a wry smile. Henry looks...well, I'd like to say "mournful" but it's really more like "stupid."
Dawson struts the hall at Capeside High, looking smug. He pauses for a moment when he sees Pacey at his locker, then leans forward and keeps walking all the faster. Pacey shakes his head as if to say, "What a baby." Or perhaps I'm reading into it.
In the cafeteria, Joey carries a tray and glances around for a place to sit. Her gaze alights first upon Dawson, sitting alone; when he looks back, it is not with a very welcoming expression. Then she sees Pacey, also sitting alone; his face lights up for a split second when he sees her, then falls, because he knows she can't sit with him as long as The Head is in the vicinity. Next Joey sees Jack "Jodie Dallas" McPhee, looking (it must be said) really hot in a tight black t-shirt. He smiles warmly and starts to move stuff at the table to make room for her. Remember when he and Joey used to be friends? Come on, think hard. Joey rushes toward him gratefully until she sees that he's sitting with Andie "I Can Have My Cake And Eat It, Too" McPhee, who glares at Joey. With one glance back at Dawson, Joey sits at a table with a bunch of strangers.