Props to Kim, with whom I watched this craptacular episode, and to Sars, who's agreed to do the next two in a row. Props, also, to the DC writers; just when I thought "The Longest Day" was the worst episode of all time, they topped themselves, and forced me to make this whole recap, like, one big PSA to caution any impressionable girls and boys in the audience that everything Dawson says and does is the opposite of what you, or the people you love, or the people who claim to love you, should say and do. Anti-props to HostPro. They know why. So do you, by now, I hope.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Dawson was a whiny bitch.
Oh goody, a montage set to crappy Matchbox Twenty-ish "music." Fade up on the Leery Non-Love Non-Shack. In the Sanctum Dawsonorum, Dawson "Piddly Snot" Leery cradles Aunt Gwen's painting of l'il Dawson and Joey, and broods.
Joey "Henri Doormatisse" Potter stares at the wall Pacey leased for her, and pouts.
Pacey "Dissed and Dismissed" Witter -- sporting a new too-short haircut -- hoses off his boat, and scowls.
Jen "Maude" Lindley walks out Grams's front door, closely followed by Grams "Smackdown" Ryan herself, to see Henry "Stalking the Stalk" Parker standing in front of the house holding a sign that reads, "JEN LINDLEY: WOULD YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME?" Jen turns on her heel and walks back into the house; Grams follows, but not without shooting Henry a wry smile. Henry looks...well, I'd like to say "mournful" but it's really more like "stupid."
Dawson struts the hall at Capeside High, looking smug. He pauses for a moment when he sees Pacey at his locker, then leans forward and keeps walking all the faster. Pacey shakes his head as if to say, "What a baby." Or perhaps I'm reading into it.
In the cafeteria, Joey carries a tray and glances around for a place to sit. Her gaze alights first upon Dawson, sitting alone; when he looks back, it is not with a very welcoming expression. Then she sees Pacey, also sitting alone; his face lights up for a split second when he sees her, then falls, because he knows she can't sit with him as long as The Head is in the vicinity. Next Joey sees Jack "Jodie Dallas" McPhee, looking (it must be said) really hot in a tight black t-shirt. He smiles warmly and starts to move stuff at the table to make room for her. Remember when he and Joey used to be friends? Come on, think hard. Joey rushes toward him gratefully until she sees that he's sitting with Andie "I Can Have My Cake And Eat It, Too" McPhee, who glares at Joey. With one glance back at Dawson, Joey sits at a table with a bunch of strangers.
As the montage draws to a close, Joey sits hugging her knees, staring at her wall. Dawson and his size 60 chinos lurch up behind her; she turns at the sound and wearily says, "You know, if you came here to discuss me and Pacey, you're wasting your breath, because --" "Pacey's the last person I want to talk about. Trust me," Dawson says flatly, squatting down beside her and wringing his hands. "I came here to talk about us," he explains. Apprehensive, Joey says nothing, but is probably mentally calculating how far away from this conversation she could get if she caught Dawson unawares and took off running. He'd probably be impeded by the weight of his pants; I think she could make it. But apparently fear has her rooted to the spot so she has to listen as Dawson continues, "I want you in my life." She stares at him some more, and then asks, "And Pacey?" Sternly, Dawson says, "Joey, that damage has been done. I came to salvage the one relationship that I need more than any other, and that's ours." "How?" she asks. Dawson suggests, "Let's rebuild. Let's...take a walk. Let's have a picnic. Watch a movie." Joey chuckles bitterly at the inadequacy of Dawson's plans and says, "After everything that's happened, how could I possibly climb that ladder into your bedroom and watch a movie?" Dawson says he's not asking her to disregard what's happened, but to move forward, with him, from here. Of course, what he fails to appreciate is that unless she does disregard what's happened, she couldn't possibly move forward, or move anywhere, with him, unless he wants to move forward, alone, off a cliff. Joey looks distressed, and slowly says, "You know what? All I want to do right now, Dawson, is paint my wall." Dawson squints at said wall and says, "Well, it's a freestanding invitation. Anytime you want. You know where I live." Uh, is it the tallest freestanding invitation in the world? Because I thought that was the CN Tower. The phrase is "standing invitation," morons!