Dawson and Jen finally arrive at Casa Leery, where Gale greets them with slightly less enthusiasm than she would a swarm of locusts. She was getting worried about them, she says. Dawson and Jen blush and look at their feet and sputter, and then Dawson says that they stopped for a little while "to rest. And get some gas." Jen looks at his legs. "And then we rested," she adds. Gale looks disgusted. Wait, that's me. Gale just looks slightly skeeved. Awkward pause. Awkward pause. And then Jen and Dawson start scampering into the house to eat all of his bereaved mother's food, and Gale stops her son and informs him that his shirt is on inside out. "Let's eat" is his response. Dude, I can't tell you the number of times I've walked around with my shirt on inside out, but it only resulted from my having gotten dressed in the dark, not from nookie. Of course, the one time my mother caught me with my shirt inside out was when I got home from playing strip poker at my friend Jennifer's house, but that was so not the norm. I told you, I'm staid.
Pacey walks Joey to her room at The Largest, Fanciest Dorm In The Whole Wide World. She's chattering that she's looking forward to having the room to herself for a while. And then she opens the door and reveals, of course, Audrey, who's lolling on the bed in her undies and huge white fur boots, reading a magazine. I had a friend who had a pair of boots like those, and they're very fun and kitschy and all, but one day she was wearing them and walking across campus and she runs into this really hot guy that she's really into and they're all talking, and they're flirting and chatting and laughing and then he gets this really strange look on his face, and she feels something weird on her leg and she looks down and a stray dog? Is humping her boot. So. Word to the wise, and all that. Audrey squeals when she sees her roommate and leaps off the bed, and the girls start chatting, while Pacey gives Joey's room an approving once-over. Audrey's so glad to see them, blah blah blah. "I thought you were with your parents in Telluride," Joey says, tossing her bag on the bed. Audrey makes a face and quickly explains that they had "this big fight about money," and also, she got fired from her campus job as a tour guide for flirting too much, yada yada yada, she's back to school early and she might have to get a job. And also, she's starving. Pacey and Joey exchange a look. "What?" Audrey asks.
Liberty Hell, where Audrey enthuses that she's perfect for this job, because she'll basically get to have dinner with fun new people every night! "The job is to bring them dinner, not date them." Pacey points out. Audrey chortles that she knows that, and proceeds to drop the menus in her hand all over the floor. Josh Jackson makes a hilarious faux-disgusted face as Audrey straightens up and blathers about how much she loves the décor, and the copy on the menu, and the food on the menu, and I love Audrey, but Jesus Christ, woman, don't you ever stop talking to, you know, breathe? "What the hell is foie gras?" she finishes, finally. Pacey explains that it's goose liver -- basically, pure fat -- and tells her it "would blow [her] mind." I find it hard to believe that a rich kid from Los Angeles has never had foie gras, but whatever. "Tell me, does this sort of thing usually work with the ladies?" Audrey asks, tossing her hair. Pacey plays dumb. Over in the corner, an eavesdropping Chef Danny chuckles to himself and fries some stuff. ""The 'If I'm This Passionate About The Sensual Art Of Cooking Imagine How Good I Am In Bed' Thing?" Pacey grins. "Mmm-hmmms," he hums. Audrey gives him a pert look. "Imagine how good you'd do if you actually trimmed your nails," she says. Pacey chuckles that he's too busy for personal hygiene. In the corner, Chef Danny shakes his head at Audrey's charming, saucy insouciance. Because he likes sassy waitresses, remember? Oh, come on, like you don't suspect that that's where this is going. "Witter?" Chef Danny calls, strolling over to them. "Witter, is this your girlfriend?" Pacey explains that she so is not, and tells Danny that Audrey is interviewing for the waitressing position. "You're hired," Chef Danny says, and smiles to himself as both Audrey and Pacey shout a chorus of thrilled/shocked "what!"s. "Any woman who can put Witter in his place like that is the kind of woman I want working for me," Chef Danny explains. I got hired once on the same principle, actually. I was at this funky retro furniture store with my friend Joe, and he said something snide to me, and I said something extremely snide in return, and the boss just offered me a job, right there on the spot! Because I was so sassy! It happens, people. Well, it only happened that once. But I have to hold onto something in this, my old age. Chef Danny strolls off to "get [her] paperwork," and instructs Pacey to make sure she tastes the foie gras. Pacey just shakes his head and walks away. "I love that guy!" Audrey says to no one in particular.
Casa Leery, Land Of Awkward Pauses And Boring, Boring Chit-Chat. It's all blah blah blah school, blah blah blah Lily, blah blah blah where's the baby gate, you horrible mother? Jen asks about the people who bought her old house, and Gale explains that the buyers use it only as a summer place. This news makes Jen sad. The fact that Jen's storylines have been reduced to her looking sad about sheet-covered furniture makes me sad. The phone rings, and Gale leaps to answer it, leaving Dawson and Jen to look awkward on the sofa all by themselves. In the kitchen, Gale yells into the phone at the plumber; something wasn't fixed at the IHOF or something. Come on, do you really care about the problems with Gale and the Fishcakes? Me either. Dawson can't stand watching his mother talk to blue-collar workers, so he leaps off the sofa, rips the phone out of her hand, and starts yelling at the poor plumber. Then he kisses Jen and runs off to the IHOF to holler at the plumbers in person. Gale and Jen smile awkwardly at the carpet. "So. You two are dating now?" Gale asks. Jen grins and nods half-heartedly.