Previously: Joey is torn between Creepy and McFly; Jen plays Dr. Laura; Dawson starts attending film school with Pander and maintains his bizarre likeability; Jack is still allegedly gay.
Okay, people. I'm kicking the habit this week. This whole Liking Dawson thing I've been going through the last couple of episodes? It's over. Cold turkey. I can't live like this anymore. So, we open with Jen, clasping her hands over Dawson's eyes and leading him into Grams's kitchen. "No peeking," she squeals. "I'm not peeking, I swear," Dawson chuckles, right before Jen walks him straight into a door. "Ouch," Dawson yelps. "It was a door," Jen explains. "Yep," Dawson chirps. Okay, so he's not acting like a dick and they're running him into walls? I'm never going to get this monkey off my back. Jen sits Dawson down at the kitchen table and uncovers his eyes to reveal…nothing. Dawson points out that the whole "unveiling of gifts" doesn't really work if there isn't a gift to reveal. "You realize, to criticize the method by which the presents are presented means you never get a present again," Jen explains. "You're very pretty," Dawson immediately points out. "Okay," Jen forgives him. She hauls out a big red bag, and explains that she bought him something for "the first day of school." Dawson grins and wonders if she hit the sale at Old Navy. "Nothing smells more like the first day of school than cheap fleece," Jen snarks. Hey, I have plenty of nice things from Old Navy, young lady! Including a very cozy baby blue and yellow fleece long-sleeved tee, which is perfect for the many UCLA sporting events I attend. So, shut up, Jen. Actually, Jen's gift is a giant bag of school supplies: pencils, erasers, paper, the works. Then Jen presents "le piece de le resistance [sic]," which is not only incorrect French, but also makes it sound like she's giving him a dagger used by Jacques le FrenchLastName to kill a bunch of Nazis. It's actually an ET Trapper Keeper. Jen looks extremely proud. "Oh my God," Dawson says, not entirely happily. Jen twitters about how she was going to put Reese's Pieces in the pencil holder, blah blah, blah, and Dawson is like, my God, what have I created, and finally manages to shut her up long enough to thank her. Jen wonders if he's nervous about his first day of school. Dawson shakes his head. He's not taking a heavy course load, anyway, he says. Jen agrees it's best to ease oneself into "the rigorous college schedule of napping and drinking." Isn't that the truth? How I miss the afternoon nap of my college days. Drinking, I can do at work, but napping? Not so much. Anyway, Dawson loads up his backpack, and they make plans to meet for lunch after her radio show. Kiss, kiss, and the Head heads out. "Wait, baby!" Jen calls after him. "Baby, you forgot your Trapper Keeper!" Dawson's like, yes. Yes, I did. "Oh," he mutters. "Oversight on my part. Why would I leave the house without this?" he says, picking up his notebook and finally making his escape. "Have a good day at school, sweetie," Jen calls. Dawson waves and walks out the door. "He is so cuuuuuute!" Jen squeals to the wall. Jen? Dial it down. Also, I'm still liking Dawson. If this goes on much longer, I'm going to have to check into TWoP headquarters for reprogramming.
Joey And Audrey's Erotic Adventures. Er -- "dorm room." Audrey's nowhere to be found, but Joey and McFly are lolling around, discussing Creepy's novel. McFly calls it "a step away from being a Jackie Collins novel." Joey rolls her eyes, and says she wasn't aware McFly was so familiar with Jackie's work. "Don't be ashamed or anything," she tells him. Hey, I learned a lot about sex from Jackie Collins! Although, God knows, she's no Judith Krantz. Really, no one writes better beach reading than Ms. Krantz. Come on, the Scruples trilogy? Genius. Anyway, Joey, predictably, enjoyed Creepy's moronic literary effort. McFly rolls his eyes, and dubs the book "all smut and no substance." Besides, he tells her, he knows that the only reason she likes Creepy's book is because she thinks he's a babe. Joey insists that she totally does not! And then she hypothesizes that McFly doesn't like Creepy's book because "it's affecting [his] mojo with the ladies." How could an assignment affect McFly's mojo? Maybe Creepy himself could affect McFly's mojo, but his book? Not so much. Unless girls are running away from him screaming because they think he's an idiot for reading it. Hey, I just stopped dating a guy because he had horrible grammar. I'm serious. He and the comma had never been introduced, and I just couldn't do that anymore. Anyway, McFly claims that this theory proves how little Joey knows him. "I have no mojo to speak of," he chirps. Hee. "I think you have a little," Joey flirts. And he does, because then he asks her out! She's his density -- er, destiny. Actually, he asks her if she'd like to "maybe see something, or eat something, with [him]." Joey translates that he's asking her to dinner and a movie. Aw, dinner and a movie! I haven't been to dinner and a movie with a boy in ages! Probably because I return their letters covered in red pen. "This way sounded much better. To me. In my mind," McFly stumbles. Aw, he's cute. I'm a stickler for grammar, but awkwardness is sweet. I'm a complicated woman. Joey would love to go out with McFly. They're grinning at each other when Audrey flings open the door. She covers her eyes when she sees McFly. "Are there naked people in here?" she asks. "No," Joey says. "Oh. Bummer," Audrey says, uncovering her face and tossing her stuff on the bed. She starts to mock the amount of product in McFly's hair, which he takes as his cue to bail. When he gets to the door, he turns to say something, then sees Audrey, claps his mouth shut, and leaves. "Someone's got a boyfriend," Audrey singsongs. Joey tells her to shut her piehole. But Audrey wants the scoop. Joey insists that she and McFly are "just getting to know each other."