Dawson's Creek
Swan Song

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C | Grade It Now!
Swan Song

Casa Potter. Dawson climbs crankily out of a cab to the tune of sad, sad music. Audrey and Joey struggle out of the house, weighed down by bag upon bag. Audrey tells Joey that while she is "trying on shoes at Fred Segal," Joey will miss her terribly. And she'll feel horrible about not spilling any dirt about what happened between her and Dawson. Outside the house, Dawson looks at an envelope sadly and drops it into the mailbox. Audrey stumbles onto the porch, saying that, without her, Joey has no one to unburden herself to, and not unburdening oneself is bad for the complexion. "Your complexion and your soul, if you even have one," Audrey says. Joey drops Audrey's bags and tells her, very kindly, to cram it. "I don't want to talk about it," she says. Audrey heads for the cab, commenting that Joey is so "Cher from Moonstruck right now." Except that Joey didn't smack Dawson and tell him to snap out of it, more's the pity. Everyone starts loading the cab, and Dawson and Joey act all awkward and weird around each other, and don't you think they'd be tired of all the drama by this point? Life's too short, dude. Call it a day and move the hell on, people! Anyway, Audrey and Joey embrace; Audrey says something about this being the best year of her life, and Joey smiles at her warmly, and Audrey gets in the car, leaving Dawson to stare at Joey like a stalker. "Tell her something in my heart," the guy on the soundtrack croons. "Need her more than even clowns." What the hell kind of f'ed up love song is this? Clowns are scary as hell. Any man who tells me that he needs me more than even clowns is going to get a one-way ticket to Get Out Of My Bedville. "Have a nice summer," Dawson snips. "You, too," Joey offers weakly. Dawson flares and glares and gets in the car. Joey looks very sad and wanders into the house.

The yacht club. Pacey wanders up the docks, asking a couple on a sailboat to turn down their loud, irritating music. The dude? Is Chef Danny. "God! It is so good to see you!" Chef Danny yelps. The girl shakes her ass below decks to shower and leaves the men to their vaguely homoerotic reunion. "Homoerotic Reunion," by the way, is the name of my fourth album. Pacey comments that Chef Danny's chippie doesn't look anything like Mrs. Chef Danny. Chef Danny shrugs that the wife "dumped [his] ass." Pacey raises his brows. "Okay, I can only ignore this outfit for so long. What gives?" Chef Danny finally asks, leaping off the boat and getting right into Pacey's face. "Is there something you want to say to me? You're giving me the disillusioned protégé look. I hate it!" I think he's might be on drugs. Seriously. Like, cocaine or something. He's talking really, really fast and fidgeting a whole hell of a lot, and basically acting just like my old boss (who was, in fact, a coke fiend) used to act. "Hey, if the shoe fits," Pacey shrugs. And this is when Chef Danny tells Pacey that they're "cut from the same cloth" and they're both total chronic screw-ups and that's why the restaurant business is perfect for them, because they never have to actually grow up. In other words: Pacey, the father figure in your life thinks you are a failure! Again! It's just like this entire year didn't even happen. "See, I look at you and I see myself fifteen years ago. You've got a great future ahead of you," Chef Danny says, and I think he's being sort of bitter and sarcastic, but it's hard to look past the fact that he mostly just looks like he wants to grab Pacey's ass. Pacey looks perturbed. Chef Danny's chippie calls to him from below deck. "Duty calls," Chef Danny smirks, and heads back on board, but not before wrapping Pacey in a long, overly cozy hug. "Looks like I'll be seeing you around," he says. Pacey seems less than thrilled as he puts his hat back on and trudges back down the dock.

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Dawson's Creek




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