Dawson's Creek
Teaching Mrs. Tingle

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Annoying Mr. Shack
Luke orders Mrs. Tingle to put the phone down. He says, "It's time for Tingle to learn a lesson." Mrs. Tingle looks at him with an expression that says, "Boy, I played Ayn Rand. You are so out of your league." She asks him what she's going to learn. He tells her that she has to learn that she can't treat people the way she does. What, like she's superior to them? Well, nobody has given me any evidence otherwise, so I think she should just run with it myself. Anyway, Leigh Ann shouts Luke's name again, causing him to turn his head to look at her. Tingle takes the moment to grab the crossbow from him and smack him in the face, hard. She orders them to leave again and sets the crossbow down (okay, maybe she's not that superior) so that she can call the police. Luke grabs her, and they struggle. Jo Lynn grabs the crossbow up from the table to try to get Tingle to back off from Luke, but trips over the little barking muffin dog and shoots the bolt. The bolt glances off the side of Tingle's forehead, and she goes down. The three kids freak. Jo Lynn wants to run away, but Leigh Ann says they can't. Luke checks Tingle out to discover that her forehead is bleeding, but she's just unconscious, not dead. They bicker about what to do. It's as tedious as you can imagine. If it was worth it, I'd cut and paste the scene from the recap of I Know What You Did Last Summer when they ran over the fisherman and just change the names. But I don't care that much. Anyway, they do the only reasonable thing they can do with an injured teacher -- they bring her upstairs to bed and tie her down. They quarrel some more about what to do next. Leigh Ann thinks they'll be able to reason with her when she wakes up. Yes, of course. That seems likely. Everybody's behaved so reasonably up until now. Leigh Ann needs to run home to check on her mom, who, she explains, tends to fall asleep with cigarettes burning. If that doesn't rank among the five lamest plot contrivances ever, I don't know what does. Hello, Leigh Ann, they have these fancy new inventions called telephones. You can talk to people without being in the same room as them. You can say, "Mom, put out that cigarette and go to bed." Luke makes some crack about Mrs. Tingle looking like Regan in The Exorcist. Leigh Ann tells him not to "screw this up," because they're on the road to victory and all with Leigh Ann's brilliant "Talk Reasonably To The Stone Cold Bitch While She's Tied to Her Bed" scenario.

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Dawson's Creek

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