Dawson's Creek
Teaching Mrs. Tingle

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Annoying Mr. Shack
Downstairs, Luke has built a fire in the fireplace. Leigh Ann joins him. Oh, look. Wet, angry, teen sex. Leigh Ann jumps him and starts making out with him. Woo, Leigh Ann's a top. And she's wearing a bra. Too bad Katie didn't bring both the assertiveness and the bra back with her to Capeside. Eww. Barry's chest. Chicken, anybody? Poor Mrs. Tingle can hear it all upstairs through the ducts. She starts struggling to escape. Obviously the horror of having to listen to those two go at it has caused the adrenaline to run full force, and she manages to pull part of the bed frame apart by her wrist. Eww. More Barry chest. The two are lying together wrapped in a red blanket. AIEEEEE! You can see the start of Barry's pubes! This is so not fair. Aaron gets Wonder Boys and I get Barry Watson's pubes? I am so calling Amnesty International. My eyeballs roll out of my head and into the tub with my ears and skin, leaving me temporarily unable to continue the recap. I beg them all to come back. They agree, as long as I promise to take them to see Before Night Falls this weekend. Anyway, Luke has found Tingle's grade book. He suggests changing Leigh Ann's grade, but even with an A, Trudi Gumdrophead would still end up valedictorian. So he suggests changing Trudi's grade, too. Leigh Ann says that's not right, but Luke responds, "What's right anymore?" Excuse me, Heathers called. They said to step the hell off unless you'd like a Drano enema. Leigh Ann goes ahead and changes their grades. You know what? Luke is really the villain in this movie, not Tingle. Every single thing the kids do that gets them further into trouble is all Luke's idea. I knew there was a reason I despised him. Morning at scary dream home. Luke is going to watch Tingle while Leigh Ann goes to school to find out what's wrong with Jo Lynn and picks up the pictures at the "900 Minutes Equals One Hour" photo lab. At school, Leigh Ann sneaks into the guidance counselor's office and drops off the grade book. Why the guidance counselor's office? Don't ask me, I just recap here. I'm sure there's several steps before grades get from the teacher to the guidance counselor, like through department secretaries and such, but whatever. Cut to Molly Ringwald's history class. She's lecturing about Napoleon and Josephine. She calls Josephine a "slutbag whore" and Napoleon a "short, little asshole." My skin threatens to peel off again. Jo Lynn is in class, but refuses to acknowledge Leigh Ann. There's cute, bumbling Brian. Aww. After class, Jo Lynn stomps off and Leigh Ann chases after her as Molly posts the final project grades. Hey, Trudi Gumdrophead has her hair pulled back in a ponytail today. Too bad, the name has stuck. She freaks out because she got a B on her project.

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Dawson's Creek

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