Dawson's Creek
Teaching Mrs. Tingle

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Annoying Mr. Shack
But then, in the most dramatic moment of a zany aspiring actress deception since Shelley Long's character pretended to get shot in Outrageous Fortune, Jo Lynn pushes Tingle down and grabs the crossbow, snarling, "Don't tell me I can't act." She points the crossbow at Tingle, but -- oops, Tingle's holding the arrow. The girls run. Tingle chases Leigh Ann and starts smashing her against the walls. The background music tries to suggest to me that the kids are on the run from Freddie, Jason, Michael Myers, Chuckie, Killer Klowns from Outer Space, and possibly Lou Pearlman, and not some pissed-off teacher. Come on folks, get a grip. Both Tingle and Leigh Ann are bleeding. Jo Lynn tries to pull Tingle off of Leigh Ann, and they accidentally push Tingle down the stairs, where she lies limp. Leigh Ann goes down to see if Tingle's alive. She leans down. Tingle's eyes pop open, and she tries to strangle Leigh Ann. Leigh Ann breaks free and runs for the door. The music attempts to suggest to me that we're watching an epic battle scene in a Conan movie. Pipe down, brass section! It's a damn history teacher. Leigh Ann tries to unlock the front doors as Tingle loads and shoots the crossbow. Leigh Ann opens the doors, but the arrow goes through the frosted glass window, shattering it and striking her. The girl falls to a heap on the floor. Mrs. Tingle looks shocked, realizing that she's flipped her lid. She slowly walks over to the body. But then the other front door swings shut and Leigh Ann is standing there. I immediately rewind to see if they actually showed Leigh Ann going through the doors. They didn't. It's actually Trudi Gumdrophead, who must have come to the house to complain about her grade. We see an arrow sticking out of her, but no blood. Leigh Ann leans down to feel her neck for a pulse. Then she tells Mrs. Tingle that she killed Trudi. Mrs. Tingle freaks, because she didn't mean to hurt anybody. Just then Principal Lenny storms in and sees Trudi and wants to know what happened. Leigh Ann tells Tingle to confess, which she does. Principal Lenny is horrified. Tingle admits that she wanted Leigh Ann to fail. And now she's gone and killed Trudi. And then, brought back to life by the overcooked strings on the score, Trudi sits up and exclaims, "A B? I don't think so." Once again, the arrow actually got lodged in her Kevlar-coated notebook, which she was holding up to her chest. At least she fainted this time. In fact, she faints again after her announcement, perhaps making up for her failure to respond appropriately the last time she was nearly killed. Principal Lenny calls the police and tells Tingle she's fired. And then of course, the police are going to take the kids away and charge them with kidnapping and assault, right? Right?

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Dawson's Creek

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