Dawson's Creek
Teaching Mrs. Tingle

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Annoying Mr. Shack
Leigh Ann tries to make a case for a comparison between society then and today's society and attempts to describe the situation as "ironic," which causes all the hairs on the back of my neck to stand at attention. Fortunately, Mrs. Tingle is there on my behalf. She slams the journal shut and viciously, derisively explains to Leigh Ann the actual definition of "irony," eliciting a round of applause from the MBTV home office and English teachers everywhere. "For example," Mrs. Tingle explains, "if Miss Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual results to be rather ironic." I love you, Mrs. Tingle. She tells Leigh Ann to sit down and calls on Trudi Gumdrophead, who stands up to give her presentation, rather than asking to go to the restroom to clean up the pee stains that should be all over her lower body and chair after being mere inches away from getting shot in the face. Leigh Ann looks terribly disappointed as she wanders the halls after class. She wanders up to a bulletin board where they -- and I am not making this up -- have the students' class rankings posted up there for everyone to see, complete with scores. Excuse my language here, but what the fucking fuck? Aren't those things, like, confidential? In fact, if I recall some vague school confidentiality rules I learned back in my college days, this is a violation of federal law. Trudi Gumdrophead is there to gloat at Leigh Ann, since Trudi outranks her as number one in the class by a single point. Trudi is all snotty and rude because, god forbid, we can't have anybody ranked higher than Leigh Ann who actually deserves to be there. "I'm sorry about that scholarship," Trudi says. "Hope you weren't counting on it. Oh well. Have a nice day." The hell? What scholarship is this, the "Ford Motor Company 'We're Number One' Scholarship for Valedictorians"? You know all those poor salutatorians, having to strut their stuff as topless dancers to work their way through college. Oh, Vivica A. Fox wanders up after Gumdrophead leaves, playing a guidance counselor for one sixty-second scene that nevertheless earns her a spot in the opening credits. She tells Leigh Ann that she can still get the scholarship because she still has one week to "take [Trudi] down." Wow, that's a healthy attitude toward educational achievement. Except replace "healthy" with "horrifyingly unprofessional and emotionally scarring." Leigh Ann whines about Mrs. Tingle hating her. Vivica calls Mrs. Tingle a bitch and says she hates everybody, including Vivica. I hate you, too, after that comment about taking Trudi down. Then she proceeds to call Trudi a bunch of insulting names because she comes from a rich family and says that Trudi's good grades are a result of kissing ass. What a wonderful, professional woman this is, pitting students against each other. What, does she get a commission if Leigh Ann lands this scholarship instead of Trudi? She tells Leigh Ann to believe in herself, then wanders off to collect her well-earned paycheck for that illuminating scene.

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Dawson's Creek




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