Dawson's Creek
Teaching Mrs. Tingle

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Annoying Mr. Shack
Mrs. Tingle answers the door in her scary powder-blue robe, while her scary little adorable pet muffin doggie barks at Jo Lynn. Jo Lynn apologizes for interrupting her, then takes responsibility for stealing the test before breaking into a ludicrous sob story about having a deathly ill mom. Like nobody had ever tried to pull this on a teacher before. Mrs. Tingle's dog yawns. Hee. Mrs. Tingle doesn't buy the story at all. Because she's evil, even though no teacher on earth would have bought it. Because if that story were at all real, there would have been notes and meetings with guidance counselors and all sorts of official stuff. Mrs. Tingle responds, "Poor dear. I pray you're a good waitress." Then she slams the door in Jo Lynn's face. I hope your mom's in the burn unit, Jo Lynn, 'cause you're needing some treatment yourself. Jo Lynn goes back to the others, and after some more bickering, Leigh Ann decides to go up to the door herself. Because, you know, she's going to be so much more credible now that her best friend was caught in a lie. Mrs. Tingle opens her scary French door, which I note has a scary etched image of a pheasant in the glass. Leigh Ann manages to beg her way in to talk. Mrs. Tingle must have been struck by the plot contrivance stick, because she fails to close the door all the way, even though she knows there are other people right outside. As Leigh Ann tries to convince an utterly disinterested Mrs. Tingle that she didn't cheat, Churner notes that the door is still open and drags Jo Lynn up to the house. Inside, Leigh Ann whines, "Do you have any idea what's going to happen to me?" Yes, you'll essentially be playing this same character for your senior year on Dawson's Creek. But without the cheating part. ["Word. That was Andie's department." -- Sars] She claims innocence, and Mrs. Tingle sneers, "Even the innocent sometimes burn at the stake. Now take your sniveling self and get out." Because getting a bad grade and being accused of cheating is just like getting burned alive for simply drawing the wandering eyes of the married men or speaking your mind as if women had a right to do so. Anybody want to hazard a guess at what Kevin Williamson's history grade was? But never mind that, Churner storms in to confront Mrs. Tingle and says he stole the test. Mrs. Tingle doesn't care and tells them all to leave. Jo Lynn runs in as well as Leigh Ann tries to apologize for Churner. Tingle orders them all to leave before she calls the police. Oh, hello, plot contrivance. Churner pulls up cute, bumbling Brian's crossbow, which must have just been sitting around -- loaded -- on her living room table. The girls exclaim, "Luke! Put that down!" Finally, a first name. Should I go with "Puke Churner" or "Lunch Churner"? Eh, I'm getting a little too ponderous with the wisecracks. Soon I'll be dropping anvils myself. We'll just call him Luke.

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Dawson's Creek

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