MONDO EXTRAS

A lone horse walks into the camp. It's still wearing its saddle. And it whinnies. The outlaws carefully approach the horse, spinning their lassoes. One of them speaks to the horse, but instantly, Sandoval The Wonder Ranger jumps out and says, "Drop the guns! Texas Rangers." No one listens to him. Guns are shot. Outlaws fall. Kelso screams. The battle begins. There is shooting here. Shooting there. Horses are hurt. Kelso screams some more, and then he lands himself behind an embankment. Dylan rides in on his not-so-white horse, shooting things with the cold-blooded intensity of a lawman. More shooting. Dylan dives off of his horse behind another embankment. He screams, "Someone throw me a cartridge! I'm out!" An outlaw hears his cry and thinks he's a sitting duck. Ha! It is just ruse. Bam! Outlaw's dead. Dylan looks mighty pleased with his smarts. The shooting continues. An outlaw drops dead on Kelso. He screams, again. Suddenly, machine-gun-esque fire starts from inside a covered wagon. That's correct. A covered wagon. For a second, I thought I saw Kevin Kline fly in on his contraption from that horrible Western he made with Will Smith. Men with Guns. No, that's not it. Men with Imaginations and Guns? No, that's not it either. Wild Wild West. That's it. Right. So, Kelso screams. Again. Everyone tries to hit the machine gun target. Huddled in another embankment are Usher and Dawson. Dawson screams, "You said there were five men. Five!" Usher grabs his lapels and shakes him, yelling back, "I ain't no scout. I'm a shooter!" With that, he grabs Dawson's rifle. Stands up. Gets his hat blown off by a bullet, then manages to single-handedly shoot each of the remaining outlaws. A couple of them surrender. Ah, the power of the Texas Rangers. Go Texas go!

The surrendered outlaws are strung up by their necks. The Texas Rangers surround them. Dylan reads off their crimes: horse thievery, kidnappin', destruction of property, et cetera. Apparently, two of them are the infamous Marseilles brothers. Ohh. The infamous Marseilles brothers. Dylan motions to the two horses standing under them. The brothers flinch. They don't want to die! Blah rode for King Fisher, blah ranch hands, blah bunch of dead people blah. The turncoats turn in a pale attempt to save their dirty asses. They'll work for the Rangers now. As spies? Then, because the pair is from New Orleans, they start muttering to one another in French. Only wait! But you forget, parlez-vous, le Dawson, le parle le francais. Dylan calls out for him to translate. Dawson: "They said: 'This will work. This will work. They don't know about the others that was in the warrants.'" Dawson smirks. Wow. Wrong decision on their part. Sandoval rides the horses out from under the two bandits. The Texas Rangers watch them as they hang and make those gross strangling noises. McNelly justifies the revenge killing: "We're Rangers, men. We've got right on our side." On their ride out, Robert Patrick tosses a rifle at Usher. Tells him to "treat her fine, rifleman." And then rides off in a very masculine manner. Thus ends the "racial discrimination" aspect of the film. Usher earned Doggett's respect. There is peace between the men. Yawn.