Episode Report CardRagdoll: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Captain's Tent. Dawson listens while McNelly dictates his last will and testament. He leaves all of his land and property to the Texas Rangers. Then he leaves all his books on military strategy to Dawson, because he's a "soldier fit to lead." Only Dawson's not giving up on him that easily. He stands up and says, "Sir! They'll never expect us to cross over into Mexico." McNelly doesn't turn around as he responds, "They'll be well armed. Well provisioned." Dawson continues, "They've been riding for weeks, sir. It's their first night back. The women? The liquor? They'll crave sleep!" He's got it! They'll ambush them! The Rangers spring into action. Dylan pukes over the side of a fence, giving instructions to the men as they run past him into battle. Usher crawls up a rock ledge and attacks a bandit, tossing him in the Rio Grande. More orders. Leander orders Armstrong to the back gates; he and Dawson will attack from the front. Let the battle begin. The Texas Rangers attack. Rangers shoot. Rangers toss dynamite, of all things, at the bandits' camp. I guess they were saving the big guns until the end. Kelso screams something about the boys being surrounded in the back. Armstrong kills a couple dozen men with his sharpshooting. A bloodthirsty Vincent Spano chases Leander as he dives into a building to reload. Spano tosses an empty rifle to one side and keeps on shooting with his pistols. McNelly hides by the wall, curling up into a ball. Vincent continues to shoot the wall, only McNelly's too smart for him. Dylan shoots a mirror to distract Spano long enough to stand up and shoot him in the chest with his double-fisted pistols. In fact, all the Rangers have double-fisted pistols. Of course, elsewhere, Dawson runs out of ammo -- he dives into a clay house to reload. A bandit follows closely on his heels. Dawson screams, "I'm out of cartridges! Somebody throw me a cartridge!" Of course, the bandit thinks this is payday and comes into the building guns a-blazing. Dawson shoots his pistol at the outlaw. Ouch! He is really out of bullets! Damn. But just when he thinks he's about to bite the dust, Conchita-Perdita knifes the bandit from behind! Then she and Dawson share a moment before she corrals the women from the village out of town. In another dusty clay house, McNelly and King Fisher are fighting to the death. King Fisher has the upper hand, and kicks poor ailing McNelly across the room. The bad, bad man says, "This will only hurt for a second." Dawson steps into the room with his guns cocked: "Maybe two." Ah, his strange homoerotic hero. Dylan says, "Kill him, Mr. Dunnison. Kill him." King Fisher responds by stating that he'll blow McNelly away if Dawson shoots. Dawson hesitates. Then he dives forward, distracting King Fisher enough to pull his attention away from McNelly. Bam! Dawson gets him right in the chest. Miraculously, King Fisher is still alive. Dawson looks him straight in the eye as he stands up. Flashback! His father is shot. Flashback! His mother is shot. Flashback! His brother is shot. And for each member of his family, Dawson fires another round into poor King Fisher. How much did they pay Alfred Molina to do this? And why did he agree? Did he have a gaping hole in his résumé where "Western" should be? Yeah. ["On the other hand…Bram and Alice." -- Sars] And who said the Texas Rangers weren't about revenge?