Episode Report CardRagdoll: D+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
A long line of young men waits to get their badges from Armstrong. He hands one to Dawson and says, "Wear it proud, son." Usher is next. That's right. I said Usher. He's in this film too. Armstrong looks at him. Then hands him the badge. He doesn't say anything. Oh. There's racial tension. Dawson walks along with Usher and another young man. His name is Sam. He's from "San Antone." He stutters. They make small talk. Usher's "daddy" found a copper mine on his land. Someone wanted the mine, so they shot him. Usher says, "You shouldn't just be able to shoot a man and claim his land." Okay. Are they not walking around the "Old West"? Was America not founded on native soil? Did soldiers not walk around shooting Native Americans and taking their land? I guess it doesn't count in that instance in this film. Right. Usher wants to know whether or not the sergeant made him a "rifleman" or a "scout." Because every "white boy" he's met up until now is a rifleman. The coloured boys -- sergeant made them a scout. Blah racial tension, blah he'll show him he's a shooter, blah President Grant, blah strongly worded letter, blah Dawson's patronizing blah. As Dawson walks over toward the camp, he sees Kelso. Does Ashton Kutcher know how to act any differently? He's cute and all, but man, he just acts like a bumbling idiot in every single film/television show he's in. Lincoln sees George. George goes ballistic. He screams, "We're not sleeping under the stars anymore. We've got a tent!" Well, hallelujah for civilization. They giggle. What an adventure! Leander's Tent. He and Frank Bone examine a map, trying to pinpoint where exactly King Fisher will strike next. Leander dismisses Frank Bone when Dawson arrives. He hands Dawson a notebook and a pen. The captain wants him to record every word. Every uttering. His last testament to a life that's almost gone, yawn. Dylan recounts the day's events. The company is full. Full of orphans, mostly. Tomorrow, they're off for training. Dylan coughs. He goes on talking about how the company is "scant" of weapons and weak in their horse-wrangling skills. He expects desertions. He also expects that "most of these boys will not survive." Leander coughs violently. Dawson jumps up. Dylan forgets that he's Leander McNelly and remembers that he's Emperor Rod, and he points at the boy. Tells him to sit back down. Dawson's not allowed to report anything except what's coming out of his mouth. He swills some hooch. And then continues, "The Lord is coming for me, Mr. Dunnison." Dawson responds, "Sir." Pause. "Then why ride?" Dylan: "I think it's better I walk to meet him, then sit and wait." Oh. He. Is. So. Stoic. He's just like Val Kilmer in Tombstone. Not. That, and the fact that the make-up department thinks "make him look sick" means pounding white pancake onto his cheeks like a horse pounding the dusty trail.