Cut to the Crudd Club. Dawson sarcastically comments, "Okay, this place couldn't be seedier." Um, compared to some of the East Village pubs I've crawled through, Ty's little hangout looks like the lobby of the Hilton, but anyway, Joey tells him, "Dawson, it's not that bad. It sure beats sitting home feeling dumped." Dawson doesn't really respond to that, and he and Joey sit down at a table with Jen and Ty, The Amazing Inert Couple; the four of them look at the stage where Ty's plump singer friend is abusing a vibrato. Dawson says to Ty that Jen says he comes there a lot, and Ty says "it's practically home." The bartender approaches and Ty orders "four usuals." When Joey inquires as to the exact nature of "a usual," Ty responds, "It's a surprise -- a rather stiff surprise." Um, Ty? Could you maybe not go around using the phrase "stiff surprise," particularly in the presence of Joey? Thanks. Anyway, Jen arches her eyebrows in amusement at this -- why, I don't know -- and Joey, bless her heart, rolls her eyes and orders a Coke instead. So does Dawson. The plump diva finishes her song and says, "Ty, honey, it's your turn." As Sars reaches for her usual -- Maalox, neat, with a dry-toast chaser -- Dawson asks Jen what Ty is doing. Jen doesn't know. Ty sits down at the piano and launches into a Joey-Lawrence-meets-The-Band so-called blues riff that any grade-school child could have mastered after six months on the Suzuki method. The plump diva resumes singing as Joey pretends to be impressed: "Where did he learn to play like that?" Jen doesn't know. Dawson asks what the deal is with Ty -- "I mean, doesn't his religion frown on all this?" Okay, memo to the other kids: Ty is not Amish. Most Christians can dance and play music and drink martinis. Anyway. Jen says that Ty has "issues," and Joey comes back with, "He's perfect for you," to which Jen sort of laughs, "Thank you so much," and the two girls have a cute moment of rapport, which Dawson of course has to ruin by analyzing it: "Can we just stop and comment on the irony of the three of us sitting here?" Jen says something about "the proverbial proverbial [sic] triangle," and Dawson continues, "Here I am, single, sandwiched in between two women who both dumped me. I am pathetic." I must object to the use of the word "sandwiched," but for once Big D seems to have a sense of humor about his romantic unsuitability. Oh, and also, "word" on the whole pathetic thing. Jen offers, "Hey, look at me -- I'm dating a Bible-thumping hypocrite, okay?" Joey cuts in with, "Hey, my boyfriend may be gay." They all start giggling and pretend to call for a round of "usuals."
Episode Report Card692 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT