Snaps to JS, xntryx, and Wing.
After a montage of scenes from previous episodes in which Jack "Ready Or Not, Here I Come" McPhee repeatedly avows his heterosexuality, we fade up on the Sanctum Dawsonorum. Jerry Maguire is on the TV. Tom Cruise -- living symbol of Hollywood's love affair with mediocrity, not to mention poster boy for the celebrity-outing frenzy of the last few years -- blathers on about the fish coming with him, as Dawson "Raisin Brat" Leery arrives home from school and Sars tries to resist the urge to make a whole passel of Top Gun jokes. Dawson, in his capacity as "personal homework courier," has brought Pacey "Too Good To Be True" Witter's homework with him. Dawson remarks snidely that he has come in "just in time for a personal screening of his home theater." From his slumped position on Dawson's bed, Pacey wearily informs Dawson that he'll go back to his own house when his suspension ends the next day, "but until then, I'm willing to risk you getting sick of me for invading your personal domain, because hiding out here and alienating you beats the hell out of torture and death at the hands of my father back at home." Hmm -- seems like disappearing for a week might upset him a little bit, too, but okay. Dawson says, "I'm glad to help, I'm just saying that I will be -- happy once my room returns to its original owner. And odor." Don't run Pacey over in that welcome wagon or anything, Dawson. Anyway, Dawson comments, "Jerry Maguire again?" Pacey says he has the movie "on continuous loop -- it speaks to my current situation as a renegade moral crusader," and asks Dawson, "So -- what's new in the land of higher education?" Dawson: "Pretty much the same old, plus or minus a few sexual identity crisis [sic]." Pacey then asks after Jack, and Dawson responds that Jack "seems okay -- kind of keeping a low profile." Pacey: "And Joey?" Dawson: "She's fine." Pacey, just a little too casually: "And -- Andie?" Dawson says that, last he heard, Andie "DSM" McPhee had run off "to Bali with a Brazilian soap star named Diego," and something about Andie being happy and tan, and then he exhorts Pacey, "Would you just call her, you idiot? I can't believe you've let a week go by without even talking to her." Neither can I, now that I think about it. Pacey says that "it's not that easy," and that Andie blames him for precipitating the whole scandale du Jacques, while Pacey feels that Andie has behaved shortsightedly and insensitively, "so for right now, we're at an impasse." Dawson points out that the situation has progressed from an impasse to "avoidance," and advises Pacey to swallow his pride and apologize -- "get your girlfriend back." Pacey doesn't want to apologize because he stood up for something he believed in: "I was right! Look at my man Jerry here, his mission statement -- he took a stand!" Dawson adds, "And he lost everything. And he had to beg, grovel, and crawl to get it all back. And he was not sleeping on his best friend's floor." Pacey: "I thought you said I could have the bed tonight." Dawson: "I -- don't think so." Pacey, mock-sulky: "Joey gets the bed." Dawson: "Haaa -- don't go there."
Paula Cole doesn't want to wait for our lives to be over. No, seriously. You heard it here first. Oh, and you know what else? If you drink Mountain Dew with a song from Pulp Fiction in the background, that makes you cool. Oh, and guess what? Dingy clothes come from -- stains. Can you believe that?