Dawson's Creek
The Dance

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Wing Chun: D | Grade It Now!
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The Dance

Shouts out to Shanda, Chris, Jay Z, Miss Anthropy, kitten, bstewart, maggie, Pooh, and, as always, Sars.

Okay, so this week it's actually a Creekian -- Katie Holmes -- who welcomes us to the WB Wednesday, and I just want to say to Katie and anyone else who might be reading this and wondering: no, boat-neck garments are still not acceptable. I don't care if Jackie O wore them. Anyway, then we get scenes of this week on Dawson's Creek, and scenes of Touched by a Witch -- whoops! I mean Charmed, and then the disclaimer, and then "previously on Dawson's Creek," and then we open on a pair of sneaker-clad feet dancing very dorkily, then legs in jean short overalls, and then the full shot of Andie "Twitch City" McPhee in pigtails dancing spastically beside Dawson's bed, in an attempt to mimic the action evidently taking place on the TV screen in front of her, which is blaring Kenny Loggins' enduring hit song "Footloose." Well, except for the "enduring" part (tm Sars). Andie says, "Oh my God I love Footloose!" I can accept that the actress playing Andie would enjoy watching Footloose, since it no doubt evokes memories of her youth, but I daresay sixteen-year-olds wouldn't watch anything between Grease and Dumb and Dumber. But whatever; I guess I can try to ignore that implausibility. Andie continues, asking the gang, "Don't you guys love to dance?" Joey "Joey Potter" Potter and Dawson "Leerio" Leery glance sarcastically at each other (and yes, it is possible to glance sarcastically) and then speechlessly back at Andie as she starts going on about how excited she is about the Homecoming Dance which means we are definitely, no fooling around now, in November on the show, though you'd never know it by Joey's strappy tank top. Pacey "Urban Pupil" Witter takes this opportunity to launch into some of his patented clever repartee with Andie (except for the "clever" part) and says, "The Homecoming Dance? My God, we're hanging out with Marcia Brady" like, oh yeah, I forgot how you and the WASP Brigade totally represent the counterculture of Capeside. Andie asks what's wrong with the school dance, and Dawson suggests that what Pacey's trying to say is that they're "not the school dance type [sic]" and pauses the tape as the camera pans to Joey, who explains that they'd rather "watch a movie about a high school dance than actually set foot inside an over-decorated gym" and Pacey delivers the hat-trick of adolescent bitterness by adding, "in fact, this indictment of high school conventions isn't really just limited to dances; it kind of covers the whole spectrum of school-sponsored events." Andie cocks her head at him and purses her lips and plants her hands on her hips and...oh, NOW I get it -- that's exasperation I'm seeing.

Pacey continues, "Case in point: Joey, how many high school football games you been to [sic]?" Joey answers, "None." Pacey goes on, "Mmm hmm. And Dawson, how many pep rallies have you loyally attended?" Dawson replies, "Zero." Pacey concludes with a satisfied, "Mmm hmm." A horrified Andie declaims, "You guys are a bunch of cynics, you know that? I mean, what kind of high school memories are you guys going to have if all you did in high school was bitch and moan about everything?" "Bitching memories," says Joey. "Moaning memories," says Dawson. "Ha ha, not," says Wing Chun, and I'd also like to add that anyone who thinks of high school as a place where cherished memories are made deserves to have at least one bucket of pigs' blood dumped on her. I mean, I don't think I had a particularly hellacious high school career (grade nine excepted, which was truly horrible in every respect), and I still am friends with some people with whom I attended good old Niagara District Secondary School, but we certainly don't sit around turning over the chestnuts of our "high school memories" when we get together unless it's to discuss what a dickhead one or another person was, and in what ways they've since messed up their lives, which I guess would qualify as bitching memories, moaning memories to Andie, who tells the kids, "You guys are completely sabotaging your high school experience" as if such a feat were even possible. Pacey says, "Guilty as charged. Now, Dawson, if you don't mind, would you turn the video back on, because I really wanna see who's responsible for Kevin Bacon's roguish, devil-may-care hairdo" and, um, Pacey? Glass houses? Throwing stones? Do the math. Andie glares at Pacey for a second and Dawson turns the movie back on, only to have Andie walk in front of the TV and ask, "You mean you would rather watch a movie about something than doing [sic] it yourselves." "Correct," answer Joey and Dawson. "Okay, what about sex?" asks Andie, and now that she's got their attention she tells them they're missing a major opportunity, because dancing is great foreplay, and I have to ask what sixteen-year-old uses the word 'foreplay'? But evidently she's making a persuasive case because Pacey tells her he loves the way she thinks, and Andie asks who's coming with her on Saturday and each person mugs in a different way until the opening credits start.

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Dawson's Creek

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