Dawson's Creek
The Importance Of Not Being Too Earnest

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Sars: D+ | Grade It Now!
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Please Please Mr. Postman

Previously on Dawson's Creek: Dawson and Joey had sex, Jessica's eyes fell out and exploded into a hail of throwing stars that embedded themselves in her stomach, and Sars felt guilty; Joey snarled at Dawson for having a girlfriend when they slept together, and Dawson tried to get her to chill; Joey got a job at Emma's bar; Jack swooned at his pop-cult prof; Bobby Briggs got all Gordon Gekko on Pacey; Pacey and Jack moved in with Emma; Joey thought maybe she and Dawson made "a huge mistake."

Cue opening montage of Joey "It Churl" Potter agonizing over an email to Dawson "Headwig And The Angry Inch…Oh, Ew. Sorry" Leery. It's titled "The Incident," and as a testicle rages on about Eve and the apple, Joey sighs and shrugs and writes "Dear Dawson," then frowns and picks her cuticles and sips coffee and rubs her forehead. The testicle would like to know, "Whatever possessed you, bay-behhhhh?" Excellent question, testicle. Enter Audrey "Clairol De Lune" Lidell with an armload of shopping bags to drop her customary "quit angsting and get on with it, Potter" science on Joey. Joey whines that writing a good email is hard, and Audrey agrees, adding that that's especially true when it's "a huge mistake." Joey tells her to shut up, but Audrey goes on about how email is "the scourge of the modern age" and "the internet has made it way too easy to express oneself," blah blah blah shout-out-cakes -- I think her point is that online communication is a poor substitute for just talking, but she goes on for so long that I kind of lost track. Anyway, she winds up her diatribe and asks what Joey has so far. Joey confesses that she got as far as "Dear Dawson," but erased it. They debate whether that greeting seems "cold." Audrey reminds Joey that she did just "nude up with" the guy, then jokes to my unbridled horror that maybe they did it "through a hole in a sheet, that's very Dawson and Joey," like, Lidell! Four minutes! Unnecessary roughness! Joey, laughing, tells her again to shut it, and Audrey asks what Joey really wants to say, then. Joey doesn't like the way things ended; she wants Dawson to know she cares, but she also wants to "hold onto [her] righteous indignation." Indignation over wh-- oh, right. God, she's annoying. Anyway, Audrey's all, "So call him up and say so," but Joey thinks they'll just fall into their old patterns: "Email is a far safer alternative at the moment." Okay, Audrey says -- then pull out all the stops. Get all schmoopy, but "be real, Joey," and say everything you want to say that you can't to his face. Joey smiles that she's right, and thanks her. The Sad Piano And Clarinet Of Ew, You Slept With That Guy?! cue up as Joey writes, "Dear Dawson, I don't know where to begin. Because I'm an idiot." No, she really writes that.

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Dawson's Creek

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