Jack goes to see Professor Unambiguously Closeted at his office. Jack's been thinking about the paper all day, he says. "If I hadn't been so shocked about what you said to me the other night, would this C-minus have been any higher?" he asks. Professor Unambiguously Closeted dubs this a low blow, but Jack stands his ground, saying that he's trying to make "an informed decision." Professor Unambiguously Closeted stares at the wall as Jack says that if the answer to that question is "yes," then maybe Professor Unambiguously Closeted should ask him again. He might get a different answer. Professor Unambiguously Closeted simply doesn't know what to say. So Jack keeps talking. He says it's one thing to be a gay teenager, afraid of what everyone will think of him. But Professor Unambiguously Closeted is an adult, and a married one. By staying in the closet, Professor Unambiguously Closeted is "ruining lives on a much larger scale," Jack says. Professor Unambiguously Closeted sniffs that not everybody is willing to spend their lives being part of "a despised minority." Dude, at what college is he teaching pop-culture studies? I'm not denying that gays and lesbians face homophobia every day. But at a small liberal arts college in Massachusetts in the, er, pop-culture department? (Is there a pop-culture department? Would that be in the media studies department instead? Television and film? I don't know. Why am I fixated on this?) I bet the halls are chockablock with folks of all kinds of sexual orientation. People, I lived on the arts floor in the dormitory in college. I was an English major. I was the president of the drama club in high school. I used to work in interior design. I've spent the last ten years of my life surrounded by gay men. And most of them aren't nearly as miserable as either Professor Unambiguously Closeted or Jack. And what the hell was my point here? Ah, yes. I find Professor Unambiguously Closeted's, you know, closetedness -- at his age, in his profession, and in Boston -- to be a little bit unrealistic. And while we're on the subject, I'd like to know why, exactly, every hottie Jack runs into is issue-ridden. Surely there are some guys at Boston Bay College who are here, queer, and over it already. I just don't understand why all of Jack's plotlines revolve around hot guys who are in the closet, anyway. Why can't he join a band, for example? Or, you know, go to work in a bar with a cute non-student bartender who can't resist his It? Or something? Where was I? Oh, yeah. Jack huffs that if that's true, then maybe Professor Unambiguously Closeted should ask himself who's doing the despising. Hey, way to go, Jack. At last, you're sort of standing up for yourself. Now, you treat yourself! You go out to a club full of gay, naked, dancing boys and you kiss one of them! Jack leaves. Professor Unambiguously Closeted looks sad and thoughtful.
Episode Report Card636 USERS: C+
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