Dawson's Creek
The Impostors

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The Impostors

Previously on Dawson's Creek: Whitney from Bring It On told Dawson that Todd was an "effing genius" and that it's her job to find his next gig. North America yawned. Dawson really hurt Natasha, Todd's bitchy drunken lead actress. South America snored. At Liberty Hell's Kitchen, Joey kissed Oliver, but he was less than thrilled by her motives. Australia voted to sink into the sea rather than stick around to find out what happens next. Pacey and Audrey's relationship began to split at the seams, and audiences across the world realized that yes, they really do want to smack Audrey across the face. Across town at Boston Bay College, Jack's formerly Ambiguously Gay, but now Unambiguously Closeted (tm Demian) Professor hit on him, and Jack reacted as though Professor Unambiguously Closeted admitted that he liked to strangle puppies and eat their furry little ears for breakfast. Extraterrestrials across the cosmos decide to stop monitoring earthlings all together.

Liberty Hell's Kitchen. Joey stands at the end of the bar and shoots eyeball daggers at Oliver, who's flirting with some chippies in halter tops. Emma, Haughty Beer Wench, sidles up to the bar next to Joey. The Orange One snippily demands that Emma help her make Oliver fall prey to the wonder of her It. Emma shrugs and suggests cutting giant holes in her shirt. "It'll do wonders for your tips," she says, but, see, it sounds like she said "tits," and there's this whole "what did you say?" "What did you think I said?" exchange that ends with Emma chortling and throwing the cap from a beer bottle at Joey. Sadly, it doesn't strike her in the eye. Oliver finally comes over, as Emma saucily tramps off. Joey sarcastically wonders if Oliver could possibly keep her waiting longer next time. Oliver shrugs. "I guess I find you a little intimidating now that you tried to ram your tongue down my throat," he says. Joey reels off her order, then snidely reminds Oliver that they agreed never to speak of the kissing incident again. Oliver hits the tap and tells her that he doesn't recall any such conversation. Joey sputters that said conversation was implied. "Social conventions dictate that when something embarrassing happens, we all tacitly agree never to speak of them again," she says. Nice vocab, there, but very poor grammar. I give that line a C-plus. Joey snips that this tacit agreement is what keeps society running smoothly. "That, and alcohol," she says. Well, at least that part is true. As the great philosopher Homer Simpson once said, alcohol is the cause of and solution to all of life's problems. Oliver doesn't agree with this -- with the "never speak of this again" bit, not the "alcohol rocks!" part. Joey shifts her weight from one foot to another and snuffles that she doesn't want to get into a philosophical discussion.

She's about to angrily inform him what it is, exactly, that she does want, but she's interrupted by Emma, who sighs that she can't believe they're fighting again. I can. It's supposed to be, I believe, a sort of Moonlighting-esque Co-Workers Spend A Lot Of Time Arguing Because They Lurve Each Other In Spite Of Themselves type thing. Of course, it's actually just boring. But whatever. Oliver tells Emma that they're not fighting. Apparently, they're having a philosophical discussion. God, will anything interesting ever happen on this show again? I'm almost wishing for another Musical Mugger episode. At least there was some blood spilled in that one. Eventually, Emma rolls her eyes and skips off to rehearse with her Very Contrived Punk Band. But not before rubbing her eyes and complaining about her rapidly and conveniently disappearing bandmates. Emma pinches Oliver's cheek and tells the two of them to kiss and make up and get back to work. And then she leaves. Joey rolls her eyes, horribly offended. Oliver just smiles. "You told her?" Joey yelps. "Coincidence," Oliver tells her, then wonders what would motivate him to tell Emma that Joey wanted to swap some spit, anyway. "To embarrass me," Joey snaps, as though this were entirely obvious. Self-Centered, your table is ready! Instead of smacking her, however, Oliver just chirps that Joey is doing an excellent job of embarrassing herself without any help from him. She shoots him a dirty look and leaves with her order. You guys? I totally hate Joey now. I think I hate her more than I hate Dawson. If I had to be stranded on a deserted island with one of them for all eternity, I would pick Dawson. I mean it. At the very least, his head would provide shelter from the elements.

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Dawson's Creek

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