Dawson's Creek
The Impostors

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The Impostors

And so Audrey sings "California Dreaming" again. And -- man alive! It is HORRIBLE. John Phillips is spinning in his grave. Cass Elliott is spinning in hers. Michelle Phillips should sue. I forget if the other guy in the Mamas and the Papas is alive or what, but where ever he is, he ought to be pissed. Michelle Williams is indeed a wonderful actress, because she's acting like this is the most fantastic example of musical artistry that she's ever heard. Me? Blood is pouring from my ears. First they blind me, now they deafen me. If only they'd kill me and just get it over with.

The sad guitar gently weeps as Joey stalks Oliver all the way to his sad pad on the wrong side of town. "What the hell are you doing here?" he asks by way of greeting. She yelps that she wants to talk to him about what happened in class. He's not really in that class anymore, Oliver tells her. Seriously, I just can't get comfortable enough on this sofa to really fall into a deep sleep. Maybe I should move the TV and VCR into the bedroom. Joey flips her hair and simpers that she gets it, that he's not a student and she gets it. Has she mentioned that she gets it? Because she knows that can be a difficult concept to grasp. Her getting it, she means. "Oh, you get that, do you?" Oliver sneers. Joey shifts her weight and explains that she doesn't get what it was all for, but she understands the facts. They stare at each other for a while before Joey asks if she could have a glass of water. All the stalking and harassing she's been doing has generated a powerful thirst, apparently. Oliver irritably lets her inside.

Inside, it's all about Joey, Joey, Joey. As per usual. "My presentation went well after you left," she chirps as Oliver pours her a glass of water. Wow, now he can rest easy. "Congratulations, Joey, I'm happy for you," Oliver drones. How is he not rolling his eyes? "I'm sure you're only seconds away from breaking through [Flip-Flops's] crusty exterior, earning his undying respect and graduating magna cum laude. Or you could save yourself a lot of trouble and just sleep with him," he finally snarks. Well, that seems a little harsh. And I don't even like Joey. She wonders sarcastically if Oliver acts this nicely to everyone who tries to help him. Oliver stares at her for a long beat, then asks her to give him a moment to process "the condescending notion that help is actually required." Oh, JESUS. Just have sex already and get it over with, you two. And then cancel this show so I can get on with my life. Anyway. Oliver doesn't think Joey could possibly understand the troubles he's seen and she shouldn't have invested anything in him blah blah blah. Joey insists that she hasn't invested shit in him! Oliver continues, saying that he thinks she should direct her efforts toward getting back together with her preppy boyfriend, if "[he'll] have her." Continue in this vein for ten more minutes, at which point Joey storms out. Oliver makes a face like he just had some bad egg salad.

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Dawson's Creek

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