Dawson's Creek
The Impostors

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The Impostors

At the bar, Audrey is still "singing." She is really painfully, agonizingly bad. Joey shows up, at last. "Is that?" she asks Jen. "Yes," Jen says. Is that what? Is that…the most horrible sound you've ever heard? Is that…the absolutely most God-awful noise known to man? Is that…the way death sounds? At any rate, Kate Holmes does a very good job of looking that she doesn't want to rip her ears off her head with a pair of needle-nosed pliers, and then Audrey finally shuts her big fat yap and the crowd goes wild. Clearly, her caterwauling has driven them all insane and they no long have any grasp of the concepts of right and wrong. Backstage, Audrey calls her own performance "amazing." The editors kindly left off the rest of that line, which is: "-ly bad." Emma admits that the performance did, in fact, rock. "Where's Pacey?" she asks. He's not there. Emma shakes her head in disgust. Oh, whatev.

Movie set, which means that it's time for me to learn more about Britney. Apparently, she's not a girl, not yet a woman. Natasha. Whitney. Air kisses. Phony compliments. Blather about success, blather about having a soul. Eventually, Natasha says…huh, I don't know. I passed out. And I'm too lazy to rewind. Also, I totally don't care. I guess something's happened that has led Natasha and Dawson to decide that they're going to go play darts. I guess she doesn't hate him anymore, and also isn't fired yet. God, I am so unspeakably bored. Do I have any drugs around here to numb the pain and/or to just knock me out entirely? Maybe I'll just hit my head against the coffee table until I pass out.

Emma and Audrey go back to Emma's apartment, where Pacey is asleep in his suit on the sofa. Emma goes to bed. Audrey looks frustrated and wakes Pacey up. He jumps. Yeah, that was funny the first time it happened in this episode. Sort of. "Oh, crap. I missed it, didn't I?" he says. Audrey makes a sad face. Pacey promises to make it up to her. He'll do whatever she wants, he says. But all she wants is to sleep in her own bed. She asks him to drive her home. He agrees. Wow, is that tremendously sad or what? No, actually it's just enormously tiresome and banal.

Joey is closing the bar. Enter Oliver, saying that he thought she could use a little help. "In what way could you possibly help?" Joey sneers. Oliver snorts that "that was fair." And so he tells her the tale of how he fell into the dastardly practice of auditing classes. See, he reads a lot. And he loves to learn. So he pretends to be a student. The end. This is so not the worst thing that anyone has ever done. In fact, it's not the worst thing anyone has done in the course of this episode. It's not even the worst thing in this scene. (That would be Joey's orange foundation.) Joey explains that she wants to apologize, because he wouldn't have even gotten caught if he hadn't been being nice to her. I think the word she's looking for is "exposed," rather than "caught," since presumably Flip-Flops knew Oliver wasn't a student, but I'm far too bored to pick that nit right now. Oliver tells her he wasn't being nice. "That was me showing off. You know, you disappoint me, Potter," he grins, slowly. She grins back. Snore.

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Dawson's Creek

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