Dawson's Creek
The Kids Are Alright (1)

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Hysterical Blindness

So, we pick up right where we left off, with Joey grinning madly at the camera. She narrates that she "totally could have gone to Paris." Sweet Mary. We're opening with a tedious voiceover? I thought I left those behind forever when The X-Files went off the air. At least Joey sounds oodles more chipper than either Mulder or Scully ever did. Of course, as far as I know, she's never had her sister abducted by aliens or shot to death in her apartment, nor has she been abducted by the government, had a chip placed in her neck, been given terminal nose cancer, or been mysteriously impregnated with a baby who can move things with his mind. Unless I missed that episode. Anyhoo, Joey explains that she decided not to max out her only credit card. There's a very odd cut here, from Joey's grinning freeze-frame from the season finale to an image of her sitting on the dock in Capeside. It's like a stylized, zig-zaggy screen wipe type thing, and it's really a bit strange for this particular show. "Screw that!" Joey chirps, re: the maxing out of the credit card. Then she squeals that she decided on the pleasures of "a relatively angst-free summer in Capeside" instead of a summer waltzing around Gay Paree. This cues the montage of the Summer of Joey, which seems to have consisted of reading on the dock, waiting tables at the yacht club and flirting with a fellow waiter. Can this voiceover end now? Because it's boring. And she sounds so bizarrely perky. It's scaring me. We cut to a scene of Joey and the Waiter eating ice cream and grinning at each other. "I think I'm in love with you," Waiter Boy says. The Summer of Joey music ends with a Needle-Being-Pulled-Off-The-Record type sound affect. Wait, I thought they cancelled Ally McBeal. Cut to a shot of Joey sprawled in a deck chair. "I know, poor Joey Potter! Cute boy falls in love with her! How tragic! But it was! A completely inappropriate display! Of affection!" Joey squeals perkily. Did they up her meds over the summer? Sitting on the deck chair, she examines a postcard from Hollywood, explaining that Pacey and Audrey "pretty much kicked LA's ass." This is followed by an enormously cheesy shot of Pacey and Audrey sitting in a convertible in front of a blue screen. Stock footage of Los Angeles plays behind them as they bop their heads around.

Cut to Jack. Poor Jack. After a summer of luuuurve, Not So Ambiguously Gay Anymore Eric dumped him. "For someone far younger and prettier than himself. By email, no less," Joey narrates, as the text of said email scans across poor Jack's pretty face and his newly darkened, somewhat spiky hair. The email reads: "Dear Jack, I had so much fun hanging out with you this summer. The beach, the gym, all were special because of you." Apparently, Not So Ambiguously Gay Eric is also no literary giant. According to Joey, Jack eventually got over it and decided to just start sleeping around. She doesn't exactly put it that way, but we're treated to several shots of Jack surreptitiously shooing boys out of the house while Grams is looking the other direction. I think that's what happened, anyway. I was sort of distracted by Kerr's newly buff arms.

Joey continues the never-ending narration, telling us that Jen's parents sat her down in the Hamptons and told her they were getting a divorce. "She was happy," Joey says. "Really, truly, happy. She thought it was the most functional thing her parents had ever done." This prompts a shot of Jen grinning goofily at her parents. Or, rather, the back of the two stand-ins they got to play her parents, as there was no way the Powers That Be were going to pony up the cash for Hope to come back for one second to play Jen's mother. Joey explains that Jen went on to have the best summer of her young life. Blah, blah, blah. Let's get to the action!

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Dawson's Creek

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