Dawson's Creek
The Kids Are Alright (1)

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now!
Hysterical Blindness
Smalls. I love that Grams has a boyfriend. In fact, I just love Grams. In many ways, I wish this show featured only Pacey, Jack and Grams. They could call it Two Guys and a Grandma. Jen could be a recurring guest star. Anyway, Grams is making plans with her boyfriend for later on, and Jen wanders out into the foyer, where Jack is waiting for a safe moment to hustle his latest conquest out the door. The young man in question has a ponytail, which is horrifying to me. Jen waves them out the door, and smiles. What is up with her hair? Her face looks lovely -- I think she had her brows reshaped, or something -- but the hair is very, very, wrong. It's sort of like Barbie Goes to Hell.

Back at Worthington School for Refined Young Ladies, Pacey lies on Audrey's bed and looks exhausted. Enter Joey. He rubs his face, wearily. "Hey, you!" Joey says, enthusiastically. Because who isn't enthusiastic when they find Pacey Witter waiting in their bedroom when they get home from a rough day? Or, you know, so I've heard. Pacey peels himself off the bed. "No matter what happens in the next sixty seconds," he says, "no matter what I say or what I do, you do not want me to crash here." Audrey flings the door open and Pacey plasters a smile on his face. "Hi!" he chirps. The girls embrace. "My nemesis. Welcome back," Joey says. Hee. After an appropriate amount of cheerful chirping, Audrey asks if Pacey can crash with them for a couple of days. Pacey shoots Joey a big, fake smile. Joey hems and haws and blathers about how it's really not a good time, since she has a lot of work to do, and also Pacey is really just like a big child who needs a lot of attention and is really just impossible on all fronts. Pacey looks a little perturbed by Joey's all too enthusiastic rejection. "I'm sorry, I can't be party to it," Joey finishes. Audrey shrugs and informs Pacey that it seems as though he'll be shacking up at Grams's. "Well, that's just great," Pacey spits. "You know, after all we've been through together, Joey, I thought you'd be cooler about this. I'm actually a little hurt." Joey's eyes widen. "Well, since you put it that way," she begins. "No!" Pacey jumps in. "No, no, no. Don't you try to wheedle your way out of this. The damage is done. Let's go, Liddel," he says. Audrey turns on her way out the door and asks Joey if they have anything planned for that evening. "Well, we could go out and celebrate," Joey suggests. Audrey takes this to mean that Joey wants to celebrate Audrey's return to Worthington. "Sure. Because what else could we possibly be celebrating?" Joey simpers. "Obviously," Audrey agrees and she and Pacey leave. Joey's face falls. Joey? Your birthday is TOMORROW. It's not necessary to get all honked up about people not recognizing your birthday until it's, you know, actually your birthday. Anyway, Little Miss I Can't Believe No One Arranged For a Week Long Festival in Celebration of My Birth settles down on her bed with Last Exit to Brooklyn and starts to read. The phone rings. She lets it go to the machine. It's Big Head. I want to die. I want to die. I know what's coming and I want to die. "Joey, hey, it's me, Dawson. Long time no talk, huh?" Dawson says. Joey looks at the machine. I don't know what expression Katie Holmes was going for here, but she landed on "abject horror." The music starts up in the background and I know it's supposed to be the Twinkly Soulmate Suite in D, or something, but it actually sounds more like the theme from Halloween, which, now that I think about it, is quite fitting. Dawson yammers about how he's in town for the weekend and he'd like to meet her for coffee. In the background, Pretentious Director Todd (who hired and fired Dawson in last year's season premiere, and who Dawson ran into at the airport in the season finale) screams at Dawson. The Beek hurriedly gives the address of a coffeehouse and tells Joey to meet him at two if she can. He hangs up. Joey looks at her watch. Then at her book. Then her watch. She shakes her head, heaves a ginormous sigh, bites her lips and finally gets up and goes.

Grams's. Jack sits on the sofa, playing Madden 2002. Pacey runs down the stairs, wearing a slick dark suit. "What do you think?" he asks, holding his arms out for Jack's inspection. "It looks better on you than it does on me, actually," Jack tells him. Pacey wonders if the suit is too flashy. "What's the job, again?" Jack asks. Kerr Smith and Joshua Jackson really do have excellent chemistry together. I don't mean that in a HoYay way -- not that there's anything wrong with that! -- but just that they're very believable as friends, and their scenes together are consistently entertaining. "Selling stocks," Pacey explains. Because apparently it's still 1998 in Boston. Jack -- and the rest of North America -- wonders what the hell Pacey knows about selling stocks. "Nothing," Pacey says. "But Audrey's father thinks I'd be good at it." Um, shouldn't a stockbroker know something about, like, math? And didn't Pacey almost fail math? Never mind. Clearly, I should not be concerning myself with such details. Jack snarks that Pacey is certainly obnoxious enough to be a stockbroker. Pacey sarcastically thanks him and takes a seat on the sofa. They stare at the TV. "So, this is life at Grams's, huh?" Pacey asks glumly. Oh, boys. Enjoy living in a nice, neat house with a fully stocked fridge and a clean bathroom as long as you can. Jack sighs that Life With Grams is pretty "lame." Pacey comments that he was going to say that it was "quaint," but "lame" pretty much covers it. Jack complains that living with Grams also makes it tough to, you know, get, er, intimate with a young man. "You probably don't want to hear anymore," he says. "Oh, don't censor yourself," Pacey tells him. "I am nothing if not a card-carrying friend of the gays." Wait, Jack is one of the gays? I had no idea. Jack just laughs. Blah, blah, blah, the boys discuss moving out of Grams's and into their own place together.

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Dawson's Creek




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