Dawson's Creek
The Kids Are Alright (1)

Episode Report Card
Jessica: C+ | Grade It Now!
Hysterical Blindness

Cut to Jack and Jen in their next class. She mutters out of the corner of her mouth that Grams is probably in this class, too. Jack doesn't think that "the History of Pop Culture" is "Grams's speed." Jen is yammering something when the professor takes the lectern and she and Jack both drop their jaws. Because he's pretty hot, in a Super Hard Body Soap Opera Star kind of way. Which is, um, fine with me. "Oh, he's beautiful," Jen sighs. "Yeah, what you said," Jack says. Ah, good times. I had a super hot professor once -- and when I say "super hot," I really mean "super hot." And young! When he came into class, I thought he was the TA. And brilliant. And, apparently, a scuzzbucket, because the next quarter he was fired for sleeping with a multitude of co-eds in his office. Classy, no? Anyway. Where was I? Super Hot Professor. Drooling Jack and Jen. "Do you think he's gay?" Jen whispers. Because she does. Jacks sniffs that his gaydar bites. No kidding. People in the space station could tell that Ambiguously Gay Eric wasn't so Ambiguous before Jack did. "How much do you want to bet?" Jen asks "How about one million dollars?" Jack asks, doing the Dr. Evil Pinky Finger, but not the voice. "You're on," Jen says. Meanwhile, Prof. Hottie is yammering on about how he's just like them: "a pop culture junkie." Prof. Hottie explains to the class that his wife thinks he watches too much television. Jack gives Jen a significant look. "How do you want it?" she asks. "Hundreds," Jack says. "I'm all about the benjamins, baby." Hee. I forgot how much I enjoy non-angsty Jack.

Coffee Shop of Doom. Joey reads her book and waits for Dawson. Who, it appears, has stood her up. Eventually, she gets up and heads to class...

...arriving after the lecture has already started. And this is a small seminar, not a large lecture hall. Flip-Flops glares at her. Way to go, Potter. "Hello," Flip-Flops greets her. "How are you?" Joey has the good grace to look mortified. "Good," she squeaks. "Have a seat, please. Can we get you anything?" Flip-Flops needles her. Joey blushes and insists that she's fine. She takes a seat and he gets back to lecturing about Last Exit to Brooklyn. One second into the lecture and a cell phone rungs. Everyone checks his or her bags, but it's Joey's, of course. She just holds the ringing phone and looks guilty. "Well, if you can't make it stop, would you just answer it, already?" Flip-Flops asks irritably. Joey? It's called TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE. I know it's ringing. Just TURN IT OFF. They'll call back. "I don't want to be rude," Joey whimpers. Flip-Flops rolls his eyes and takes the phone from her. "You don't want to answer it? I will." Joey dies inside as Flip-Flops conducts a fairly lengthy conversation with Audrey, taking a message for Joey. He hands the phone back. "So, where were we?" he asks, turning to the class, and then back to Joey. "You know what?" he begins. "Before I forget, Joey, it turns out Dawson couldn't make it. He was a little crazed. But he wants to meet you and 'the gang' at Hell's Kitchen, say, 8:30." He smiles. Meanly. "Thanks," Joey whispers. She wants to die. And I know I'm old because I'm relating to the professor rather than with silly arrogant Joey. Stupid girl. When you're trying to convince the instructor to let you into a class even though you're not technically qualified to take it, the least you can do is show up on time and turn off your damn phone. Back to the lecture. "Any thoughts? Joey?" Flip-Flops asks. And then she has to tell him that she didn't read the book. Flip Flops is, understandably, somewhat irritated. "Joey. It's the first day of class, and already you've broken a promise," he says. She starts to stutter some excuse, but he stops her. "Action, Joey. Not excuses. Now, what did you think of what you did manage to read?" he asks. Now, I'm sorry, but that bit, at least, was fairly nice of him -- many people (including, I suspect, me) would have kicked her out of class after that point. Joey tucks her hair behind her ear and sighs. "I thought it was heartbreaking," she says. "I mean, the people, they're doomed. It's like a world where the sun never shines." That's a great mind at work, people. Flip-Flops just raises a brow and turns to Joey's fellow student, Oliver Hudson. I guess Oliver made some kind of "whatever" face that I missed, because Flip-Flops can tell that Oliver has an opposing viewpoint. By the way, I have never had a literature class in which the entire lecture was composed of "what did you think of the book?" And I took a fair number of literature classes. In an actual class, I think the question would be a little more specific. But I tend to forget that this is Dawson's Creek, not Studies in American Literature Via Television. Oliver demurs, but Flip-Flops presses for his take on the book. Turns out that Oliver's character is named Eddie. "I sense an opposing view point," Flip-Flops prompts him. Eddie says he just "feels like it's a little condescending to feel sorry for these people. I mean, who says there can't be beauty in a world where the sun doesn't shine?" Joey pouts in the background. "You've read the whole book, haven't you, Eddie?" Flip-Flops asks. Eddie admits that he has, "years ago," and dubs it "awesome." Flip-Flops remarks that Eddie has one up on Little Joey Potter, and heads back to his lecture. Joey shoots Eddie the look of death, which he deflates with a saucy little wink. They are so going to do it.

Cut to Hell's Kitchen, which I guess is the gang's new hangout. Pacey plays pool as Jack eats a burger. Hmmm, cheeseburgers. I'm hungry. Anyway, guess who's their waitress? No, guess! Yes! It's Emma -- or, as the forums have dubbed her, Emma, The Haughty Beer Wench. Pacey crows that this is a "sign!" Emma sighs that's more likely "an omen of bad things to come." I am already SO BORED by this plot line. Pacey mentions that he has a girlfriend twenty-five more times, pointing frantically at the irritated-looking Audrey. Emma just stares at him. Pacey implores Audrey to tell Emma that it would be okay for him to live with her. Like she's his mother. "I'm not telling her anything. She's hot." Audrey says. "Thank you," Emma says. "You're welcome," Audrey tells her. Jesus. This plot line is so tiresome. Clearly, they're going to live together! And, in the real world, if someone said, "I don't want to live with you," the other person would move on, rather than acting like a STALKER about an APARTMENT. But, no, Pacey will not let it go. Instead, he keeps on yammering, finally grabbing the chewing Jack to introduce him to Emma. "Jack's gay," Pacey announces. "He doesn't look very gay," Emma says. Emma has some ingrained stereotypes about the gay and lesbian community that I think she needs to work through. "Jack?" Pacey prompts. Jack grunts. "You?" Pacey asks. Grunt. "Gay?" Pacey says. "Oh, yeah," Jack confirms through a mouth full of beef. Er, so to speak. "Well, good for Jack then," Emma chirps. "So, we any closer to getting that apartment?" Pacey inquires hopefully. "No," Emma says. "I didn't think so," Pacey whimpers. Hee. Okay, that bit was cute. Why? Because Jack and Pacey work well together. And because Joshua Jackson is charming enough to pull off a plot line about someone basically harassing a total stranger about becoming her roommate.

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Dawson's Creek




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